Body Love!

"In parenting, I have lost my mind but found my soul."

I found that on a blog and loved it. It made me laugh and also got me reflecting on how I have lost my mind since having kids and how I have found my soul as well. I could ramble on about how my mind is pretty much shot but I would rather talk about how I think part of my soul was found. Yes, this is another one of my long rambling escipades ! :O) If you have had enough of my blogging therapy feel free to skip this post. :O)

I think the statement could also be posed as

"In motherhood I have lost my body but found I could love it."

This is how Bridger helped me find my soul and some major body love. I had major body issues since I was a little little girl. That has been my arena of serious "lostness". I can show you pictures taken of me pre-kindergarten and reminisce on how when that picture was taken I was sucking in my tummy and worrying about how fat and ugly I was. Isn't that the most depressing thing ever?!? You can imagine that I didn't have much of a chance of a good body image when puberty hit in fifth grade. I pretty much loathed my body. I did the whole anorexia, bulimia, and obsessive exercise thing through most of middle school and high school. My Junior year I had enough and I let it go as much as I could. Life continued, I got married and felt much much better. However, at times I still felt a bit of disgust for my body. Then one day in a moment of pure shock I found out I was pregnant. Being pregnant was great and so happy but also odd. It was like going through puberty all over again. I felt so out of control of my body and it got weirder and weirder month by month. Deep down I knew it would be worth it but at times that "knowledge" was more of a hope then a fact. I saw countless women around me who hated their bodies even more after pregnancy left it "ravages" (very dramatic I know). :-) I never wanted to hate my body like I once had. In the end it was a love hate relationship. I loved that I was growing a baby and feeling the awesomeness of it all but in all honesty when you feel 100 years old and 500 lbs. it's a little un-awesome.

But that all changed in one moment. When I heard my son cry for the first time and my husband kissed my forehead with tears streaming down his face all the years of body hate vanished. I simply fell in love with my body. All of my sham and incsecerities melted away. I sat there basically naked as naked can be beaming with joy and amazement that I had made my little baby boy and that I had brought him into this world. I look back at the pictures taken then and I don't think I have ever looked worse in my life :O) but honestly I have never felt more beautiful. I knew then that I had a truly divine nature. I believd for the first time that I was endlessly wonderful, capable, loved, and beautiful. I was healed. YAY! I loved my outside as much as I loved my inside. I found my body and soul when I found my Bridger. Go Bridge Man! :O)

Today with another baby added to the mix and my body gaining lovely varicose veins, stretch marks, cellulite, bad knees, an aching back, and 15 pounds in the past six months :o) the profoundness of my body loving moment can be dimmed in my memory when I let it. But underneath it all I feel so much appreciation and love for my body. I thought I couldn't love my body until I got it exactly how I wanted it-well, if that were true I'd would still be waiting for the resurrection! I was wrong all along. I can love my very un-perfect body now because my body gave my children their bodies! I will never get over that. All women are so wonderful that they are built to do that! I hope I will never enter that dark place of body hate again. My body is sacred, beautiful and a profound blessing.

With all that being said, mommies and all women out there, please please remember how beautiful, sacred, and perfect you are even without being.... well...perfect! I hope we can all agree that motherhood hasn't just made us all lose our minds and bodies but, more importantly it helped us find some soul and body love! :O)