There will be a corner of heaven that is patterned after Nevada

Realizing that we only have one more year here in Nevada we have started to do some of the "Nevada" things we have always wanted to do but never have. First on our list was visiting Pyramid Lake. When people talked about pyramid lake they seemed to only talk of tubing and skiing and such so I only thought of it in that light. But when I looked it up online in preparing to go I was surprised to find that it was owned by a native american tribe and that there were many Native American legends that go along with the lake. When we got there it was so interesting to me how strongly that came across. It did have this spirit/vibe that was exotic and dramatic and it seemed so ancient. The vastness of the endless sky and the great expanse of water was so striking. It was a wonderful day letting the kids play on the beach, gathering treasures of many fun colored rocks, shells and feathers, taking pictures, having a picnic and taking in nature. It is just an hour away from home and it was really fun. I hope we can make it out there again before me move. I hope to go earlier next spring to get tours of the fisheries when the fish are spawning and to see the thousands of pelicans that migrate there every year to nest - we missed them by about a month this time. It was so aw-inspiring I decided that this is what I will miss most about Nevada's scenery; the giant sky against the dry earth and the blue water all set in this majestic raw balance that is uniquely Nevadan. Oh, it makes me sad just thinking about it. Soon we'll just have dry earth and huge skys. ;) Anyways, here are some beautiful pictures - if I were a real photographer they would be good enough to take your breath away.

This picture was so telling to me of Nevada. The tummble weed blown up on the beach like that. So Nevadaish. So much like home for me.

Dr. Stewart Farr Rasmussen M.D.

Yup, its official, Stewart is a doctor. It's been an 8 year journey but he has made it this far. Halleluiah! I couldn't be more proud of our little family and how far we have been blessed to come. Stewart has been so diligent and hardworking and honestly has loved all his education. He loves doctoring and I know every moment of stress has been worth it knowing the fact that he will get to spend the rest of his life doing what he loves doing. Stewart was honored with winning a really special award at the student award ceremony that seemed to capture all that he has grown into these past four years. Here is what they said,

"The next senior award is presented in memory of Barbara O’Rourke.

This award is presented to a senior medical student who is intelligent, but humble, diligent but practical, a leader, kind and understanding, talented and devoted to family as well as medicine. Always striving to maintain harmony between a social and private life & work. It takes a lot to win this award and this years Barbara O'Rourke ward goes to Stewart Rasmussen. "

Plus they threw in a 5 grand check for good measure which completely caught us off guard and will surely help us survive this next year with such a low income with Stew being a lowly intern. Blessing! I have to say that I feel a little sad this chapter is over. It has been hard but it has also been really wonderful. It has really shaped us and our family. We also had the AOA award ceremony and so that with the student award ceremony was really neat to see my husband be recognized for all his hard work, his smart brain, and for what a great person he his.

AOAThe Student Award Ceremony

His graduation was made special because of the family that was able to come be with us. It was so so so much fun to have Dad Ras, Mom Ras, Whitney, and Great Grandma Ras here to celebrate. It really meant the world to us to have them here with us. I have had a dream of us all together having a BBQ with family gathering around a little fire, roasting marshmallows for years now. So to have that come true was blissful. It made me realize that Heavenly father knew my heart and had blessed me to have this little yet so meaningful dream come true. I felt so very spoiled.

When I think back to when we first started medical school it brings back a mixture of emotions. It has gone quickly yet it seems like a lifetime ago, I mean Angeli was only six months old when we started. Now we have two more kids, are 20 pounds heavier, have a lot more gray hairs, are more experienced, more mature, are a lot more confident, we are even more in love, have a lot more to look back on,... Ah, well we made it and now no more formal education! My, what will we do with ourselves? That is all we have ever known! Dr. Stewart we love you and are so grateful that you are the kind of man that makes his dreams happen no matter how daunting the road to them seems. Now we face 5 years of residency and 1 year of fellowship until Stewart is actually done with all his formal medical training, which my dad can attest that it never really is done since doctors have to do so many hours of continuing education every year, but....the count down is now set again and this time its for the completion of residency. Ready or not here we go!

These guys were a tight study group that helped each other do awesome through medical school. They helped medical school be so much fun for Stewart. He'll really miss these guys. But Michael will be in Tucson with us so that will be really fun!

The Half Marathon that tried to Kill me

I am still processing my feelings about my race . I have concluded it was a sucess but I am still mourning the fact that I fell badly enough that I am bruised is many matches all over my body and that I am currently hurting a lot. But it gave me great material for my talk in church I had to give the next day so that was good. Here is the little half marathon story I used as an opener,

If you have talked to me in the past weeks you probably heard me talk about the half marathon I was sort of training for. A half marathon is 13.1 miles long so weeks and even months of training are required to get ready for it. Life was so busy with the new baby I wasn’t prepared liked I had hoped. And to be completely honest I procrastinated my training. I could easily find “more important” things to do then go running for miles at a time. But I had committed myself, on face book even, so I registered and showed up yesterday for the big race.

Now I have been running pretty consistently for the past 12 years so I knew pretty well what I was getting into and I know what my strengths and weaknesses are as a runner. I can power up hills like no buddy’s business which was great for this race since it was almost non-stop hills for the first 8 miles but down hills are my weakness and what goes up must come down. The race was basically running from San Rafael park up Mt. Peavine and then back down again. The trials are narrow single lane dirt paths that are very rocky. At many places they were little more then mini creek beds where the snow melt runs down the side of the mountain edging out a deep rocky path to follow up. On the way up hill this is a great thing because I could use the rocks to push off from but down hill they were a curse. They were unstable and made for very unsure footing. I have weak ankles and those rocks were tricky to maneuver.

Early in the race I felt great. I was doing well because of all the hills. In fact I started to feel a little cocky. I was doing much better then I thought I would do. After I made it up an especially long hill I went to raise my arms above my head to cheer in victory and totally ate it. I slid into the ground like I was sliding into home base. Somehow I jumped up from my embarrassing fall and felt pretty good despite my side hurting a bit and my palms stinking from the gravel rubbing against them. So I took off and thought to myself, I better not be careless, I am not as strong as I think. The run continued on and was going well despite my earlier fall. Here and there I would land funny and almost troll my ankle but I had been fast enough to correct the angel of my ankle before any damage was done. With the bright blue skies and the trickling stream running along the trial I started to be less attentive.

As I passed the half-way point I set a goal to finish the race with a group of runners I had been running close to for the majority of the race. Up to that point that had been easy for me to do because it was mostly all up hill. In fact I had been a little ahead of them for miles and felt really good about it because one look at them and it was clear that they were serious and extremely fit runners. I thought it would really mean something to be able to finish alongside them. However, once we crested the last killer hill and faced five miles of constant downhill they switched to high gear and took off. I knew my ankles were weak, I had already fallen, and I had almost rolled my ankles several times on the run already but I was foolish. I let my vanity get the best of me and I literally put caution to the wind. I started running down the hills as fast as they were going to keep up. I kept hearing the still small voice issue a warning to me to be cautious, that I was not as strong as them but I rationalized it away; all the others runners were doing fine going so fast surely I could too, that if I just went for it everything would be fine, …

Well, sure enough I placed my foot on a loose rock and my weak ankle was not strong enough to correct the change in my balance and I went sliding down the rocky narrow trial. It hurt. Large pointed rocks drove into my shins, my palms were worn raw, and I hit my side with such force the air was almost knocked out of me. I got up and was in terrible pain. The group of people I wanted to finish with were now very far ahead of me and the runners behind me now started to pass me by as I inspected my injuries. I had three miles to go so I did what I had to do and started to run. Each step sent a shock of pain up through my shins. It took all my control to not burst into tears. I suffer from asthma and I knew if I let myself cry it would trigger an asthma attack and then I would be in serious trouble so I tried my hardest to pull it together. I prayer that Heavenly Father would help me be calm, to ease my pain, and to help me finish the race. About half a mile later I was doing better and I very cautiously made my way down the rest of the mountain side and finished slower and farther down the list of runners then I would have had I simply been smart and careful.

I finished fine, honestly just what I had hopped I would do. I ran great for a lady who had a baby just four months ago. I, in all seriousness, met all my pre-race goals: I was not last to finish and I met my training pace. In most regards it was a success. However, all the satisfaction of completing the race I have wanted to do for the past four years was robbed from me. I was disappointed in myself and sore from my injuries. I did not feel victorious, I felt foolish. I had ran like a rookie not a seasoned runner. I wished I could turn back time and could have trained better, I wish I could go back in time and applied the knowledge I know about my running weaknesses, I wish I could go back in time and listen to the small voice in my mind and heart telling me to take it easy, I wish I had learned from my mistakes… but I cant turn back time. From now on I will have this memory of my disappointment in myself. It is not how I envisioned my race to leave me feeling. That sense of accomplishment never came. The runners high I love so much was not there.

Life can often be like my race. We get distracted, we get caught up in our vanity, we get our priorities wrong, we ignore the spirit, we refuse to learn from our mistakes, we deny our weaknesses, we get careless and act reckless,…and then we suffer from the heavy weight of disappointment. That feeling is the feeling of sin and it is the most corrosive and bleakest feeling we can experience in this life. We can try to hide from it but it has a way of seeping into our very beings and robs us of our peace. It can become so complete that it takes away our ability to experience joy, it can trap our hearts in a prison of confining remorse and self-loathing.

But there is light that can chase away the deep darkness of sin. There is a way to replace self-loathing with self-respect, there is love that can fill us so much that no matter what we face we have joy and peace. How is this possible? It is possible through repentance.

So there is my race in a nut shell well, a churchy nut shell. ;) It was hard, it was fun, I was a fool and got injured, but I did well all in all. It actually felt faster then I thought it would. I know if I had been in better shape and was not an idiot racing down the mountain I would have done really well in it. I was so glad I wasn't one of the last, I was 75th our of 138 so about mid range. But for now Advil and I are BFFs and I will probably not be racing down any steep hills soon if I can help it.

The kids waiting at San Rafael Park for me to finish the race...

The mountain I ran up...
The race results, can you find me?
Me after the race with the kids...

So grown up it kills me.

Oh, I wish she would slow down a bit. But still she is so darn fun to have I guess I need to not mourn the growth but rather enjoy the moment. So, my "doll" as I call her is pretty much everyone's favorite these days and at four months old today the kids enjoy her more then ever now that she interacts with them so much more. Here are some pictures I took that the big kids just couldn't help but get in on. She is rolling over, laughing and giggling, she "talks" a lot, and spits up just as much, she is getting very chunky, still loves music, still hates wind though not as much, and now LOVES her toys. To celebrate her turning four months the kids ad I unpacked the baby toys and cleaned them and then let her play with them. Thus the spontaneous picture taking. Enjoy!

I love these people I made

Aren't they so cute! How I was blessed to have them I will never really comprehend. Some of my sweetest gifts ever. What a great Mother's day. I want to brag and say how much I loved today and how much I appreciate my sweet little family. They brought me breakfast in bed (even after I had already taken a shower), suffered through pictures with me (which my kids hate pictures so it was, in fact, a gift), made a fancy dinner, and Stewart gave me a new temple dress. Life is blissful and blessed these days with Stewart home 24/7 and we are enjoying being spoiled with time to do the little things we have always been too busy to do. My husband is the best thing that has ever happened to me and he is spoiling me with doing all these little projects around the house like painting the bathrooms, our bedroom,... so today was just the cherry on top. I love being a mother and having a day to take it all in is wonderful. It is humbling, tiring, refining, and rewarding beyond measure. I wish I were better at it but so very grateful for the gift of trying my best to raise these beautiful little spirits. I am so grateful for all the beautiful women who have touched my life. Happy Mother's Day to all of you!