The Lolita Effect

I just finished reading the book The Lolita Effect. ( My definition is this, Lolita Effect - that society and the media teach young girls with abrasive and damaging sexual ideals pertaining to their worth as women which effect their body image, actions, sexuality and self esteem. In a nut shell it is the sexualizing of little girls. Think Bratz dolls, push up bras for 11 year olds, and yes even Disney's characters like Pocahontas.) Oh, it was really fun for me. I am not a leisure reader. I do not appreciate fiction unless it exists to teach. Reading this I felt like a history major again! As I read I couldn't help myself from having the impulse to write a report about it. This is basically that report. :) But its that and more, it is a plug.
I highly recommend checking this book out of your library and at least reading the questions in the back of each chapter that you can discuss with your children. I think this book's topics are so important in our world. I think every mother and youth adviser would benefit from taking a look at this book. SERIOUSLY! I know sexuality is a somewhat taboo topic but with how much the media is feeding lies and unhealthy sex-ed to our children we have to give them guidance...and I am not just talking about the birds and the bees! I am talking about helping them negotiate what the difference is between wanting attention and being "hot", discussing what "hot" is and who decides its definition, about getting them to think critically about why the media wants to portray the impossibly young, skinny, busty figure on women (umm, maybe because the very fact that it is generally impossible means high sales for their products as woman try hopelessly to obtain it?), and relating how what the media states is "hot" might actually be degrading and hints to sex workers and strips females of power (think about when a person wants to show their authority over others what do they do? strip them of their clothes.), and the disgusting linking of violence to sex. We have to help them make sense of the trash the world throws at them. I believe sexuality is a gift given to us by God that can be a source of significant joy. The world would have it be a source of addiction, abuse, shame, and self objectification. I want the former for my children.

I wanted to outline a little example of what this book offers. At the end of each chapter the author gives helpful tools to parents so they can effectively combat the noise from the media. I am so excited to have ways to make a difference for not only my Angeli but for my boys as well.

The Myth: If you got it fault it!

This chapter focused on clothing and media images. It gave great things to discuss with your children. I am only listing here the toddler friendly tools...but the author gives really wonderful ideas for teens and I recommend them for parents and youth leaders to look into.

What We Can Do:

- Young children are less aware than teenagers about implications of clothing and oblivious to the sexual messages they may be sending BUT simple questions can help young children start to think about the issues. Ex. "Why do you think she's hardly wearing any clothing?" - little children can recognize the clothing their dolls and favorite characters wear are not the same as the women in their lives. You can ask, "Why do you think I (or your teacher or favorite aunt) don't dress that way?" Start talking about appropriate clothes for different situations and about media characters as fiction and myths whose activities and choices are not the same as real woman's. Little girls adore their mommies! Make sure they realize why you are so much better then their Jazmin doll - build in them the desire to be like you and recognize why being you is as lovely as the dreams of being a princess.

- Compliment your young girls and encourage them on things besides their appearance. Girls are always told they are pretty and they need to hear more then that. Also, compliment other women around them for being artistic, generous, original, and for academic achievements. Make sure your husband and men in your life do this as well and that they compliment you openly for other things then looking nice.

- Playing dress up and experimenting with their clothes is fun and important. Make opportunities while they dress up to explain why what they are wearing is inappropriate for outside the home. Make sure to ask them questions. Don't make them feel bad about themselves just express why that dress is only for play at home.

*there are things in this book that I don't support but I believe fighting over small issues is what keeps us from seeing the forest among the trees.

Run, run, run, as fast as you can...

you cant catch me I'm the BENJAMIN! I think that is what goes through his head sometimes. :) This kid is growing up big time and I cant seem to keep up. I love his age. It is so fun, but I cant help but mourn a little knowing he'll never be able to be my little baby again. Tear.

He climbs. He climbs onto the toilet then from the toilet onto the counter where he then turns on the sink and has himself some water fun. It always catches me off guard because I assume it is Angeli or Bridger washing their hands. When I see them race by me no where near the bathroom I have to rush off and try advert the disaster that is in the making. On Sunday I caught him and he was rather delighted with himself that he climbed so high and achieved his goal. He was so cute I had to take some pictures. So naughty and yet so adorable. I guess that's toddlers for you.

I feel the need

to say I love this girl! She was sick yesterday so her daddy took her home from church early and then she took a long nap for most of the afternoon. I missed her. When she woke up she looked so much better. She came and jumped on me while I tried to rest while my rolls were rising and made my day. I just had to take a picture of her to capture her sweetness. Isn't she so sweet? I cant believe I have such a beautiful, happy, smart, and so so sweet daughter. Heavenly Father spoils me sometimes. :)

A gradule miracle

Yesterday we had Bridger's IEP for Bridger's speech. I asked his therapist if she could give me an idea of where he would be when he started kindergarten. She told me that all his cognitive, and behavioral deficits were completely gone. She told me that besides his speech he will go into kindergarten where he should be and do really well.

He'll only need speech!?!? If I think back two years ago when Bridger could hardly communicate - couldn't even say mom and dad to now, it is remarkable. To think back to when he was sooo busy and literally jumping off the walls, when they were testing him for all sorts of problems, having to fight so hard for any treatment at all after they tell me how badly he needs it, hearing them tell me how difficult he was and how he was so lucky to have me as a mother because most mothers couldn't handle him, the paper work they gave me telling me how I would have to tell all his teachers how difficult he is to teach. I thought we had years of trials ahead of us. We thought we'd have to coach a super hyper active, boundary breaking, cognitively behind son through years of difficult schooling. I thought that was how it was going to go and apparently so did every educator and specialist who saw him.

BUT yesterday as I sat in his IEP meeting and his therapist told me how much he has grown, I was so pleased. She told me he was a "joy to work with". I was so glad someone else felt the way I did about my boy. As we walked out of the school I bumped into his preschool teacher and she asked how his IEP went and then she volunteered, "Bridger is my model student. He is my angel child."
It has been so gradual that I haven't noticed the miracle much but as I called Stewart to tell him the news I remembered all the struggle. All the times we had to expect the worst and hope for the best and now to have the best coming to life it is wonderful. I know he is just starting school heck, he's only there for 6 hours a week but, even a year ago that would have seemed impossible. School will always have its ups and downs but to be where we are is such a happiness. My boy is my favorite Bridger in the world, he always has been. I am so grateful that school can be a happy experience after all. What a wonderful blessing for him.

Girls Nights

I have been having girls nights for the past couple months. It was one of those things that I thought I should get going but didn't for awhile because I thought it had to be a big production. I thought we had to go OUT, play some special game, or make it some sort of party. I love those things but I didn't have a great need for those things in my life. But I finally threw around the idea of just having us get together and talk. The end. People were actually interested so we started to do them. We've tried to do them every month. AND Oh, MY! They have become one of my favorite things EVER!

Every time a different group of gals seems to come, really whoever is needing it that month, and it is so fun. Last night Stew was on call and so I hosted. I decided it was pajama night where we wore our pajamas. We hung out and were just silly girls! We told stories from our past (two truths and a lie), swapped exercise moves, and earned ourselves some new nick names. And let me tell you I have some very funny and interesting friends! An ex-major dare devil racing at 150 mph across the Salt Flats to get eloped, an ex- firefighter who fought real forest fires, and ex- Alaskan tour guide who almost married a Russian so he could stay in the U.S.!!!! You'd never guess but there they are, your girl friends from church who you thought you had figured out telling you the wildest stories you've ever heard! Oh, the funny stories. It is like we had a slumber party.

We gabbed, we vented, we shared things that were hard but honestly extremely hilarious, and it was fabulous. For me there is nothing more satisfying then sharing my life with others and they in return sharing their life with me. These girls are so important to me. I love them so much. Girls, you absolutely rock! Thanks for a great super funny night!

The Future

I try to be happy no matter what the heck is going on in my life. Which sometimes is easy and other times really hard. Right now it is taking little effort. My life is really lovely. I am enjoying every day. I am not sure if it is because it just feels so good to have things pretty stable for a while or what, but it is really nice. Last night as I talked to my sweet dad on the phone about Stewart's schedule I realized that my life will be changing this summer again and go crazy again. Here's the rough schedule:

July - Stewart study for and taking Step II Boards, two separate family reunions in Utah. Will Stew be able to come to them? don't know.
August - Away rotation in Utah
September - Away rotation in Sacramento
October - Rural rotation in Truckee CA
November - Rural rotation in Truckee CA
December - Breath with rotations in Reno
January - Interviews
February - Breath with rotations in Reno
March - Thailand rotation
April - Graduation

Did you see that? Stew will be gone for over three months again. Booo. I thought I would want to come with him more this time around but I don't think so. When I was gone last time so many things went wrong with the house and I don't want the kids missing their preschool. BUT did you see the good stuff too? In a little over a year from now Stew will graduate from Med school! He will be a doctor! We will finally stop accruing debt! Then with his doing is first year of Residency here in Reno we have from April to July to PLAY!!! I cant wait for that. Oh, and Thailand too! I think I should be able to go to Thailand at the end of his rotation because Stew was able to get the school to say they will increase our loans for his plane tickets (they are usually so cheap). So excited! I just have to get through the rest of this year and we will be sailing smooth. Well, until the stresses of residency start - but shhh, don't make me think about that too much just yet. :O)

Emily, Emily, Emily.

*me in San Diego on my honeymoon ;)

I am such a crazy sometimes. I am trying to be the best me and that is tricky. I have so much ambition! I often feel like I am looking out over the vast ocean of all the possibilities of my life and instead of taking in the view in a calm serene way I want to race to the water and jump in head first! My latest struggle has been focusing my energy (and I have lots of it) where it is most needed. You see I set a goal to simplify my life. So being a determined little lady I did just that. But then I was board. I ended up getting a little depressed. So I decided I had simplified too much. So I stepped up my ambition to my normal level. Oh, boy. I have so many goals, and commitments, and plans! I am so excited for them all. But I know where I am headed. I cant do them all right now like my mind keeps telling me to. My mind is a whirl these days! I am headed to "stressed over-extended land" where I will invariably start to drown because I tried to swim too fast, in too many different directions. What to do with myself?

As I was pondering and praying about my self made pitfalls I remembered the counsel I have personally received from the Lord over and over again, that being a mom is the most important thing I will ever do in my life and if I need to obsess and plan and create big projects then motherhood is the avenue to express that emilyness in. So I am back to the drawing board. I wonder what I should cut out, put on hold, and what I should add to my life?

- I should read longer to my kids each night
- I should get my kids to bed sooner
- I should feed them a more healthy diet
- I should play with them outside more now that it is slowly getting warmer
- I should have quiet prayer time more often
- I should have game time every night after dinner - it happens often but when I have kids with no homework it should happen more

- I should stop dreaming of all the home improvements I have lined up in my head
- I should stop baking treats so much
- I should stop being on the computer so much
- I should stay off the phone more

Which brings me to my next point...my husband is so perfect for me. He is a great support, he seriously helps me do all these grand visions I have for myself and our family - never complains that sweet man, never - but at the same time he reigns me in. It seems everyday he has to tell me that perhaps that idea I have can wait a year or two, or a month or two. Heaven bless him! Without him I am sure I would have completely drowned by now.

"LET ME DRIVE!"

If Benjie could talk that is what he'd be screaming at me everyday as I load and unload him from the car. He honest to goodness thinks he can drive. You see, I made a big mistake about two weeks ago. I had parked all crooked in the driveway and Stew was on his way home and I needed to straighten the car before he got home so he could fit his car in the driveway too. As I headed out the door Benjie was sad so I grabbed him up and thought it would be fun for him if he got to sit on my lap and "drive" with me. I remember my dad letting me help drive when I was a kid and I loved it. As you can guess, he LOVED it too. He actually was turning the wheel and getting all into it. I gave myself a couple of points for being a fun mom and that was that.

BUT the next day as we all piled in the car to head to the store he threw the biggest fit of his life. I didn't know what it was about so I thought I would let him do what he wanted to do while I helped get the other kids situated. So what did he want so badly? To drive. He made his way to my seat got the "key" (we use the term loosely when it comes to our van) and sat there ready to drive the car all by himself. When I pulled him from my chair the tantrum of the century started up again. He was throwing his body all over the place and of course hit his head on the door, kicked his shoes off in protest, hit me twice, and kicked me several times. He was MAD!!!! My sweet little Benja Boo sort of hated me. I had to use all my body weight to keep his bottom in his seat and get him buckled. He was so mad he grabbed Angeli's toy from her hands and threw it on the ground which got her crying and then Bridger (being very noise sensitive) started to cry, "Mom, they're screaming too loud!". Which led to the chorus of three crying, screaming Rasmussen kids. It was a golden moment. :O)

So that is our ritual every time we go anywhere now. He has gotten so sly at it. He wiggles out of my arms pushes the big kids out of his way as he climbs in the car and I am then blocked by big kids so I cant grab him and he starts to "drive".

He loves cars. They have always been his favorite. I had a talk with him yesterday and Angeli helped out. We tried to explain that he has 15 years before he will get to drive. He just yelled at us.

Needless to say we've been home a lot more these days. Oh, toddler hood what have you done to my cuddly little sweet baby?!?!??!

Etsy

Hey friends I am going to post links to my friends' Etsy shops on the side of my blog. If you have a shop and want me to post a link for you just leave it in a comment and I will add it. Hey, free advertising right?!?!? Smiles!


*Which leads to another thought. I sort of put the becoming private thing on hold. I just realized that there are people who visit my blog that I have no idea who they are but maybe that is a good thing. I remember finding a blog off of my sister's blog and the post I read was an answer to my prayers. It was what I needed to get through that day. So I ask myself, what if some lame post I write is in fact somehow what someone out there in the blogging beyond was needing. What if what I do on my blog was worth something special to someone beside me? That would be really nice. That's worth not going private for at least a while longer.