The Lolita Effect

I just finished reading the book The Lolita Effect. ( My definition is this, Lolita Effect - that society and the media teach young girls with abrasive and damaging sexual ideals pertaining to their worth as women which effect their body image, actions, sexuality and self esteem. In a nut shell it is the sexualizing of little girls. Think Bratz dolls, push up bras for 11 year olds, and yes even Disney's characters like Pocahontas.) Oh, it was really fun for me. I am not a leisure reader. I do not appreciate fiction unless it exists to teach. Reading this I felt like a history major again! As I read I couldn't help myself from having the impulse to write a report about it. This is basically that report. :) But its that and more, it is a plug.
I highly recommend checking this book out of your library and at least reading the questions in the back of each chapter that you can discuss with your children. I think this book's topics are so important in our world. I think every mother and youth adviser would benefit from taking a look at this book. SERIOUSLY! I know sexuality is a somewhat taboo topic but with how much the media is feeding lies and unhealthy sex-ed to our children we have to give them guidance...and I am not just talking about the birds and the bees! I am talking about helping them negotiate what the difference is between wanting attention and being "hot", discussing what "hot" is and who decides its definition, about getting them to think critically about why the media wants to portray the impossibly young, skinny, busty figure on women (umm, maybe because the very fact that it is generally impossible means high sales for their products as woman try hopelessly to obtain it?), and relating how what the media states is "hot" might actually be degrading and hints to sex workers and strips females of power (think about when a person wants to show their authority over others what do they do? strip them of their clothes.), and the disgusting linking of violence to sex. We have to help them make sense of the trash the world throws at them. I believe sexuality is a gift given to us by God that can be a source of significant joy. The world would have it be a source of addiction, abuse, shame, and self objectification. I want the former for my children.

I wanted to outline a little example of what this book offers. At the end of each chapter the author gives helpful tools to parents so they can effectively combat the noise from the media. I am so excited to have ways to make a difference for not only my Angeli but for my boys as well.

The Myth: If you got it fault it!

This chapter focused on clothing and media images. It gave great things to discuss with your children. I am only listing here the toddler friendly tools...but the author gives really wonderful ideas for teens and I recommend them for parents and youth leaders to look into.

What We Can Do:

- Young children are less aware than teenagers about implications of clothing and oblivious to the sexual messages they may be sending BUT simple questions can help young children start to think about the issues. Ex. "Why do you think she's hardly wearing any clothing?" - little children can recognize the clothing their dolls and favorite characters wear are not the same as the women in their lives. You can ask, "Why do you think I (or your teacher or favorite aunt) don't dress that way?" Start talking about appropriate clothes for different situations and about media characters as fiction and myths whose activities and choices are not the same as real woman's. Little girls adore their mommies! Make sure they realize why you are so much better then their Jazmin doll - build in them the desire to be like you and recognize why being you is as lovely as the dreams of being a princess.

- Compliment your young girls and encourage them on things besides their appearance. Girls are always told they are pretty and they need to hear more then that. Also, compliment other women around them for being artistic, generous, original, and for academic achievements. Make sure your husband and men in your life do this as well and that they compliment you openly for other things then looking nice.

- Playing dress up and experimenting with their clothes is fun and important. Make opportunities while they dress up to explain why what they are wearing is inappropriate for outside the home. Make sure to ask them questions. Don't make them feel bad about themselves just express why that dress is only for play at home.

*there are things in this book that I don't support but I believe fighting over small issues is what keeps us from seeing the forest among the trees.