Body Love!

"In parenting, I have lost my mind but found my soul."

I found that on a blog and loved it. It made me laugh and also got me reflecting on how I have lost my mind since having kids and how I have found my soul as well. I could ramble on about how my mind is pretty much shot but I would rather talk about how I think part of my soul was found. Yes, this is another one of my long rambling escipades ! :O) If you have had enough of my blogging therapy feel free to skip this post. :O)

I think the statement could also be posed as

"In motherhood I have lost my body but found I could love it."

This is how Bridger helped me find my soul and some major body love. I had major body issues since I was a little little girl. That has been my arena of serious "lostness". I can show you pictures taken of me pre-kindergarten and reminisce on how when that picture was taken I was sucking in my tummy and worrying about how fat and ugly I was. Isn't that the most depressing thing ever?!? You can imagine that I didn't have much of a chance of a good body image when puberty hit in fifth grade. I pretty much loathed my body. I did the whole anorexia, bulimia, and obsessive exercise thing through most of middle school and high school. My Junior year I had enough and I let it go as much as I could. Life continued, I got married and felt much much better. However, at times I still felt a bit of disgust for my body. Then one day in a moment of pure shock I found out I was pregnant. Being pregnant was great and so happy but also odd. It was like going through puberty all over again. I felt so out of control of my body and it got weirder and weirder month by month. Deep down I knew it would be worth it but at times that "knowledge" was more of a hope then a fact. I saw countless women around me who hated their bodies even more after pregnancy left it "ravages" (very dramatic I know). :-) I never wanted to hate my body like I once had. In the end it was a love hate relationship. I loved that I was growing a baby and feeling the awesomeness of it all but in all honesty when you feel 100 years old and 500 lbs. it's a little un-awesome.

But that all changed in one moment. When I heard my son cry for the first time and my husband kissed my forehead with tears streaming down his face all the years of body hate vanished. I simply fell in love with my body. All of my sham and incsecerities melted away. I sat there basically naked as naked can be beaming with joy and amazement that I had made my little baby boy and that I had brought him into this world. I look back at the pictures taken then and I don't think I have ever looked worse in my life :O) but honestly I have never felt more beautiful. I knew then that I had a truly divine nature. I believd for the first time that I was endlessly wonderful, capable, loved, and beautiful. I was healed. YAY! I loved my outside as much as I loved my inside. I found my body and soul when I found my Bridger. Go Bridge Man! :O)

Today with another baby added to the mix and my body gaining lovely varicose veins, stretch marks, cellulite, bad knees, an aching back, and 15 pounds in the past six months :o) the profoundness of my body loving moment can be dimmed in my memory when I let it. But underneath it all I feel so much appreciation and love for my body. I thought I couldn't love my body until I got it exactly how I wanted it-well, if that were true I'd would still be waiting for the resurrection! I was wrong all along. I can love my very un-perfect body now because my body gave my children their bodies! I will never get over that. All women are so wonderful that they are built to do that! I hope I will never enter that dark place of body hate again. My body is sacred, beautiful and a profound blessing.

With all that being said, mommies and all women out there, please please remember how beautiful, sacred, and perfect you are even without being.... well...perfect! I hope we can all agree that motherhood hasn't just made us all lose our minds and bodies but, more importantly it helped us find some soul and body love! :O)

She Walks and Talks and even gives Kisses!

My little girl is walking! This month has been huge for her. She is taking off and learning so many new things. The past three days she has been trying to walk everywhere. It is so fun to see her waddle into the room, it always surprises me. Her toddling reminds me of a baby Frankenstein with her arms extended out and swaying side to side, so cute. She works so hard at walking and is always so proud of herself when she gets to her target. Bridger seems to be excited about her new ability too. They have been getting along even better since she has been able to keep up with him more. They take turns pushing each other in Angi's stroller or on Bridge man's trike and they'll go to their "secret" hangout (living room corner behind the palm tree...shh don't tell) and just sit there together jabbering back and forth. It's my favorite thing to see them having fun together all on their own. She is catching up to him so quickly it is crazy. I am beginning to feel like I have twins. She has added bubble, shoe, juice, hot hot, teeth, and brush teeth to her vocabulary this past week. Her new obsessions are brushing her teeth, giving everything kisses, and her newly acquired skill of knocking on doors. Golly, our kids are our favorite things ever! ;O)

Here is the video proof of Angeli's new talents. I am sorry it is long and that it is so ShAkY! I guess trying to record and interact with my kids at the same time is a bit hard for me! Sorry if it makes you sick!

Happy Birthday Grandma!

Today (now yesterday) my Grandma Angeli turned 91!!!!! If you met her you would have no idea she was any where close to 91. She is so healthy and sharp. I think she is more on top of things then I am! :O) She is the only grandmother I knew as a child and she cared and loved me since I was a baby. She is such a tremendous example of serving the Lord and living the Gospel through all of life's challenges. Her example alone has taught me so much about life. By far the greatest gift she has given me is my very own mommy and to honor her and my mother I even named my daughter after her -- yep, they are that amazing!! Since moving here she has been such a life saver for us and made many miracles possible for us. I can never thank her enough for being there for me. Grandma, I just want you to know that you are so loved and cherished. Grandma, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Here is a little Slide Show for you!

Hello Holland

I wasn't sure if I would blog about this but then I started to listen to "Say" by John Mayer (first song playing on my blog) and started to think that perhaps my sharing this might help someone else out there. So here is a little window into some of the trials that have been weighing heavily on my heart.This says what I want to say:

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

byEmily Perl Kingsley

"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland."

Today the stewardess welcomed Stewart and I to Holland.

Bridger had an evaluation with Nevada's Early Childhood Intervention Services and he has "qualified". We are still in the process of getting an actual diagnosis but they determined that he has areas that he is certainly not developing correctly. They pinpointed his communication skills and social interpersonal skills as his areas where he is very behind. We have been preparing for this day for what seems like months and so this was not a big shock. However, as a parent the worst thing to hear is that something is wrong with your child, so yes, this is not easy nor will it ever be without struggle. Despite the heartache, what we feel, above any other feeling is great peace. Yesterday we were able to fast and go to the temple. We knew then, as we do today, that everything will be okay. We know without any hesitation that we love our Bridger and he is one of the greatest miracles, blessings, and joys we have ever been given. He is delightful, expressive, fun, and a very loving little man who loves life and makes ours better everyday. We are beginning to see with greater scope that this "Reno" chapter of our lives has very little pretense of being easy on us, but today we have total peace....we love our Holland whatever that means.

HaPpY EaSteR!!!

We had a pretty fun Easter. It was the first Easter we have spent as just our little family and it was a good opportunity to start our own traditions. When the kids woke up we talked to them about what Easter is really about and then we lead then out to the living room to discover their Easter treats. We went a little over board but I figured my kids needed some extra toys. :O) Bridger got his first bike/trike and Angeli got her first baby doll. Plus they got a few extra things from their Grandma Smith. Thanks Mom! The kids and Stew stayed home today because the kids were sick and I went to brave the nursery alone. After I returned home I cooked my first Easter dinner. Go me! We devoured it and then went on a walk to try out Bridger's bike and to enjoy the 70 degree temps. We hope you all had a great Easter too!

The Gifts after we set them up the night before!

My handsome boys by our river, pretty huh?

Aren't they so CUTE!?!?!
And notice the hint of green in the background, Spring is here!!!

This is some of the home video we got of Easter morning and a tiny bit of our graduation too! :O)
I thought I edited that out, oh well!

Just Seven Words.... and then some more.

Our Car is in the shop again.

sigh, sigh.

For fun I thought I would lay out some numbers. :O) Since moving here we have had...

- 4 trips with tow trucks
- 7 separate repairs made on our cars
- 4 occasions in which a locksmith was needed
- 2 times the kids were stuck inside the car with the keys
- have spent at least $6300 on our car repairs
- have no idea how much this next repair will cost us

sigh. sigh.

On the bright side...

- we have tripled the numbers of cars given to us
- we have never bought a car in our lives and still have three because my sister hasn't picked up the truck yet
- still feel pretty darn blessed :O)
- Still find the humor in it all!

:O) sigh :O)

Randomness

I bought Bridger a leash. Okay, its really this supper cute "Harness Buddy". He really thinks it cool and it is cute on him as far as harnesses go. Its like the picture except his is a monkey, he's into monkeys lately. :O) We 'walked our Bridger' yesterday and it was really quite perfect. We went down to the river and even took him down to the water to throw rocks and stuff. It was really fun. Way to go Harness Buddy!

I am starting to write a book. Hearing about all these moms who simply decide to write and then it turned out to be something great inspired me (think Twilight and Harry Potter). I don't have any grand ideas about it being published but I have always wanted to write one so I sat down and just started writing. I think its great that I can simply just write one, no training required, no money, nothing except a desire too. All I'll say about it is that it is fictional and the main character is a girl. Stew hasn't even been allowed to read it and I am not sure if he ever will be :O). I will announce when it is done but it will probably be in two years so don't hold your breath. As of right now it is my favorite past time.

I hate my business today!!! I seriously take three steps forward and then I am pushed back five or twenty steps! It drives me crazy. You should have seen me ranting this morning about it to poor Stew! Sorry babe! However, this month I have actually had some customers so there is a silver lining, it's just a little thin. :O)

Angeli is taking steps now. I wouldn't call it walking but in a couple weeks I think she'll be going everywhere her little feet will take her.

Stew has no more tests until after Spring Break!!! So HAPPY!


Our Sugar Detox is going pretty good. Not perfect but I am still proud of us. I think I have honestly cut out about 90% of our sugar. Yesterday, ummm.....not so much though. Here is my explanation - for our Green Dinner to celebrate St. Patrick's Day I got carried away with my food coloring abilities and made a green cheese cake. That was pretty bad but I figured it was OK because it was a holiday. :O) I hope to repent on Easter with the kids getting Easter gifts instead of candy. Dose that work? :O)

Stewart's Clone

My Angeli reminds me so much of Stewart and it never ceases to amaze me at just how alike they are. When Stewart was little he was really into stuffed animals. Here is some picture proof of that...

I guess every night Stew had to have all his stuffed animals around him as he slept. So Cute!









Well my girl's love for stuffed animals has been growing exponentially these past weeks. I pulled out our Easter stuff and found a bunch of stuffed animals. Angeli has been in HEAVEN! I found her hording them and hugging them and kissing them so I thought I should take some pictures. She is like her daddy in every other way I guess this should have been expected. What's next? A paper route and water polo?!?!

Life at our House

It seems like I haven't written about the present tense for a long time so here are some updates and cute kid happenings that have been going on at the Rasmussen house lately. However, I hope this isn't over kill! :O)

- We finally have a microwave! It has been months. We were given Christmas money to buy one but then we had major car repairs so that didn't really happen. But yesterday someone gave us one! I am so glad, it will make my life so much easier.

- After kicking his sister (that part wasn't cute at all) I sat Bridger in his timeout chair and tried to give him a talk about being nice. He then proceeded to stick his fingers in his ears and started to sing and jabber. I couldn't help from laughing. I wonder where he gets this stuff.












- My sweet Angeli is getting a little feisty these days. The other day while I gave the kids their bath I decided I would read New Moon while they played. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Angeli glance up at me to see if I was watching and then she totally hit Bridger for no apparent reason. He of course pushed her back. She then started to ham up a martyr's scream. If I had not been watching closely Bridger would have totally gotten blamed for that one. That sneaky girl!- My kids love their teddy bears. They have to take them everywhere they go and if Angeli forgets her's while we are heading out the door Bridger will run back and make sure to get her's for her. When they eat Breakfast their teddies have to be in sight. Bridger even pulls up a chair next to his high chair and carefully places his teddy next to him. It is really cute.

- Bridger is very much into clothes and getting dressed right now. I'll find him with his dad's shirt on or his daddy's shoes on strolling around the house just as nonchalant as ever.- Angeli wants to walk so badly but I think she still has awhile to go. Her feet are just not growing!!! I wonder if she'll ever be a size three! I keep putting off buying her new shoes thinking she'll grow out of a two soon, its been since before we moved here! Oh, well. It is fun to see Bridger trying to help her walk. He holds her hands trying to steady her as she walks. Its cute. Here is a really short video of them walking together. Please ignore me in my bath robe! :O)

- Angeli is learning more and more words. Her favorite and first is "baby", then "wa wo" - what we call pacifiers, "ball", "Ma Ma", "Ted Ta bear"- teddy bear and she'll copy a lot of words that we say for her, although I am not sure I would count them as part of her vocabulary just yet. She growls and screams a lot too! At the store she was making such a racket with all her growling and screaming as she saw so many things to be excited about that the passer bys and I were all laughing at her. It just sounds so funny coming for this petite little angelic looking girl. I call her my little gremlin sometimes. :O) Here she is learning about farm animals. -One of our cars is in for major repairs. I swear we have the worst and best luck with cars ever since we moved here! There goes another $1200! :O(

- Stew is almost done with this last spree of tests! He has done really well on them. But it means long nights for him. We have fun bringing him dinner though. :O) We will all be excited for his Spring Break in two weeks!

- Bridger is learning sign language and it is so fun to see how excited he is about it. I am so glad he'll be able to communicate better with us about all the things he is excited about, his feelings, and his needs.

- Whenever I am doing something that makes Bridger happy. He'll stop me in my tracks and grab my legs and give me a huge hug and kiss. It is one of my favorite things. The other day at the park I followed after him on a slide and when I got to the bottom he grabbed my legs and gave me a huge hug and kiss, I love how unexpected it is. Last night when we had family wrestle time. He grabbed Stew and I and just started to kiss us and hug us back and forth. It was so sweet. I love his affectionate side and seeing him so happy.

- Bridge is in love with his old jumper from when he was a baby. Except he looks absolutely ridicules in it now!

ABC Tag

A: Attached or single? Very Attached to my Hunky Hubby! :O)

B: Best friend? lots of 'em. My first best friend was Christie, then was Joanna, then Tyne, then Laura, then Ali, followed by Joanna though she was always a best friend, then Stewart, and my sisters of course were always there and my friendship with them has only grown more and more with time.

C: Cake or pie? Usually I would say cake but today if I had to pick it’d be pie. I am in a fruity mood I guess. :o)

D: Day? Honestly I like them all. I guess Sundays are good I get my social at church, I actually shower and dress cute, I get the spiritual, and I have Stew home all day – well most weeks.

E: Essential Item? Ummmm. I love a lot of things and don’t know how I would live without a lot of them but I guess in this moment I am so grateful to have a computer.

F: Favorite Color? Greens, blues, and creamy yellow

G: Gum or mints? Gum, but when I am pregnant I cant stand either

H: Home Town? Glendale and Burbank, California. right in between LA and Hollywood

I: Indulgences? Blogging, Exercise, and FOOD

J: January or July? ...I like January because it my babies’ birth month but I Love JULY!! Warmth!

K: Kids? Obvious, I have two of the cutest little people to ever grace this earth!!!! :O)

L: Life is incomplete without? My faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ (and family and friends)

M: Mexican or Italian food? Depends on my mood. But they are my top favorites with Asian sometimes sneaking up there too.

N: Number of siblings? 7 brothers and 4 sisters ( I love having a huge family! So much love to go around!)

O: One word that describes you? hmmm...I am not sure of one word I am sort of complicated. I guess… sentimental yet very responsible, think Anne of Green Gables. Sorry that was a lot of words!

P: Phobia? Getting into a car accident. I say a prayer almost every time I drive.

Q: Quote? "A marriage may not always be even and incident-less, but it can be one of great peace. A couple may have poverty, illness, disappointment, failures, and even death in the family, but even these will not rob them of their peace. The marriage can be successful so long as selfishness does not enter in.” (Spencer W. Kimball) Its just one of my favorites that I actually had sitting right in front of me right now, go figure! But I’ve got a lot that I like. :O)

R: Reason to smile? My kids!!!

S: Season? Spring and Fall, in that order

T: Tag? Anyone who reads my blog!

U: Unknown fact about you? I kissed a tree once because I thought it was so beautiful and magical. It was this twisted old olive tree by our house that we would climb on almost everyday. I then got all my friends to do it. That is a perfect example of my Anne of Green Gableness! LOL

V: Vegetable you love? I LOVE all vegetables! I am a HUGE vegetable fan, mmm! However, I don’t think corn and peas really count, they are wannabe veggies in my book.

W: Worst Habit? Zoning into TV, blogging, reading…I hate feeling like I have wasted time.

X: X-ray or Ultrasound? Depends if the pregnancy is wanted!!! :o) JK I think ultrasound for sure. Ultrasounds can bring bad news sometimes but X-rays almost always are an indication of something not going too well.

Z: Zodiac Sign? I have no idea nor do I really care much! :O)

Sugar Detox!!!!

Me and my kids have really let ourselves go these past weeks. We have been eating whatever we feel like. And often that is vegetable soup and apples but more often then not it's cookies, chocolate, cheese... you get the picture. I go through phases where I love to exercise and eating right is second nature. But then I have times when I have little desire to stop myself from eating whatever it is that I want and exercise keeps falling lower and lower on my priority list. I usually get myself out of this sort of funk by finding an event that I can look forward to and want to feel cute and dress cute for. But I have nothing coming up. No vacations, no holidays (well, besides Easter), and no big events - nothing and so I called my cousin-in-law up and we decided to be diet buddies. That didn't last too long. She was way motivated and I wasn't. So now fearing that I will never care again I am turning to making a public commitment on my blog to do better. Its not about being skinny or anything like that, its about being healthy for my kids', my husband's, and my own sake. As I eat so dose my family. I have to make sure I care at least for them. I wouldn't be trying this but Stewart, my husband who has always just eaten whatever sounds good, told me we really need to do better. So if Stew is noticing that we have been really bad I guess it must be horrible. So starting right now we have very strict cookie and sugar rules in our house. :o) We have got to detox our kids, they are seriously addicted to sugar! And so are we, well at least I am. Sugar is only allowed at church or when I am running errands and only fruit snakes will keep them under control! And no deserts!!!! I usually think this "absolutely not" goal making is set for failure and misses the true goal- moderation, but with our level of addiction I think we need to get a clean slate to start with. Anyways, Starting now no sugar and my punishment for letting myself or the kids eat unnecessary sweets is that I have to blog about it!!! Hopefully this is that last you have to hear about our sugar detox! Now I am going to go throw out the cookies! :o)

Tagged - Things that made me laugh today!

10 Things that made me laugh today and yesterday since this took me two days to do.

1.) I did an impression of a dog's paw today whose name was Satan. He was a very sweet dog despite his satanic name sake. :O) Can you imagine calling for your dog at the park when he's named Satan?!?!?! 2.) talking to my 15 month old niece on the phone. It was mainly "hi, hi, hi". It felt so good to hear her sweet baby voice. She is so cute! 3.) How much my son loved helping me make lunch. He kept saying "wow!" at everything I did.
4.) Angeli spent half the evening hording all the sippy cups strewn about the house by putting them in her walker as she searched. She 'growled' at anyone who tried to take one. Here's a good example of her on the prowl! :o)
5.) Bridger fell in love with my favorite little kids show, Charlie and Lola. Tonight at the library he saw their video and he started to chant "Lola". It was so cute he had to hold it all the way home. I think he has a crush on her! :o) I love their show you should watch it!

My Life =Toddlers

My Life is completely run by my toddlers. I am totally at their mercy! I really do adore my kids and love my life but it wouldn't hurt if it was a little less 'toddlerie' . :o) I thought that parenting was about teaching your kids...I was wrong, its really about your kids teaching you how to be a good parent. I am learning lessons from them everyday and no matter how much I try it seems I can never really quite learn the lessons well enough because I keep stepping up on the same things!!! Someday when they are grown I hope they don't remember these sort of days when their mom is, well... crazy! :O)

Here is a window into my toddler world. To me toddlers are well defined as little people with too much brawn, too much brain and not enough commonsense. Today I came upon a great example of this. As we were driving home from the only place I shop at ( sadly that means Walmart) I was completely enthralled in the NPR discussion on gas prices - I had recently filled up our van for the first time, big $$$$$. While I zoned everything out I heard Bridger say "Uh, Oh!". Knowing how he says that at just about everything he deems out of place or order I totally ignored it. But then I noticed in my rear view mirror his little head bouncing up and out of view. I turned back and there he was jumping in his car seat! He had totally unbuckled his car seat by himself and was now jumping up and down in his seat. I was on the freeway and the next exit was our exit so I just had to try and tell him to sit in his seat while he laughed at his new found freedom. All I can say is that my son obviously has way to much brawn and brain and not enough commonsense!!! Lets hope he gains some more commonsense real fast. :O)