One Month Old

Genevieve Celeste Rasmussen is one month old today. With one month under her belt she is strong and oh, so beautiful. In the quiet moments when it is just she and I and I get to talk to her,cuddle her, and love her I feel so much awe that she is mine. I know she is my fourth but it still amazes me beyond anything that I am her mother. The very fact that I grew a perfect little baby inside me and now I am blessed enough to get to keep her forever is sort of mind blowing.

I think she and I are going to be great friends. The sense I get of her little spirit is so amazing - I feel it is a honor to get to be her mother. I feel as though she is very much one of the noble and great ones. I feel that her spirit is mature, refined, almost a sense of nobility,...I can feel her divine nature and that she is a true daughter of God in every sense of the word. There is no doubt in my mind that she will make an impact for good in this world. She bares a mantel of dignity and honor that I have a hard time trying to put into words but it is there. She is lady, not a girl, a beautiful women of God.

Genevieve, Happy one month! You survived birth, RSV, another bad cold, and one month of your brothers and sisters craziness! You are one awesome baby. :)

Seven Years

Today is Stewart and my seventh wedding anniversary. I cant believe I have been married that long. Man, I must be getting old. Having my fourth kid and now my seventh wedding anniversary is weirding me out because I realize I am not young any more. Ahhh! But my age is beside the point, I really just want to express how much I appreciate and love my hubby. When I reflect back on our journey the past 8 years since we've met I am overwhelmed with so much gratitude. He has given me every happiness, he has stood by my side through many trials and many joys, he has believed in me, he has encouraged me, he has always chosen to see the beauty in me, and he has always been my hero.

The fact that I have a companion who lets me be crazy enough to have four kids in barely five years, who helped me graduate from college, who helps me run my little homes businesses, who never finds faults in me, who walks in the door everyday and gives me a big kiss, who works himself to the bone for our family, who shares my griefs as if they were his own and celebrates my joys as his as well, to have a man that puts his family and God first, a man who honors his priesthood, a man who loves his mother and treats her with so much love, a man who thinks my cooking is the best around, to have a man who shares my dreams is the greatest gift in the world.

This past year has been a challenging one and my sweet husband has been there for me every step of the way without ever complaining. Through all of my pregnancy woes and all our poverty and all the stress of life he has lifted more then his share of the load and done it with a smile. I cant even express what a beautiful selfless gift that has been.

Knowing that I have a man of God who has promised to be by my side through everything life chooses to throw at us is my favorite thing. I will love him for all eternity.

Stewart, Happy Anniversary! I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with you. XOXO:)

happy happy!

The IV is out - had it for six days! Now I can actually dress her in real clothes. :) And if she stays at 100 cc/m or lower then we can go home this weekend! We're so optimistic and happy! Plus I think she is the prettiest little baby girl in the world, I just adore her! Been here 10 days and hope it won't be much more. :) Daddy, sorry you couldn't see her today. Here's some pictures.

Roller Coster

So I think due to some major fasting she was able to make tons of progress. Yay! I hope she can maintain it! This might not mean anything to anyone but Sunday morning she was at 500 cc/m and currently she is at 100 cc/m of oxygen. That is huge! Plus she is maintaining really good saturation. I think she has been averaging around 98% oxygen and her respiration rate is way more consistent and while still high not as high as it was. Her doctor is still very cautious. After two dips after thinking we were on the up he is careful to not let us think we are out of the clear just yet. This morning he told me that I needed to plan on being her longer then the two week general max for babies with RSV. He said that it seems as though she is doing all the things you'd expect with RSV however it is just taking longer then normal to have them play out. So if she stays true to that pattern then we will be here longer then normal. That is a big disappointment. I am ok with it just disappointed and trying to be positive. Hope for the best but plan for the worst is the way to go in situations like this. So I guess we are cautiously optimistic today....but she looks really good. Really happy. Really healthy. Really cute. :)

Discouraged

Yesterday she went down hill again. Oh, it is so hard. Almost all the progress she made is gone. Her lungs are getting worse, her oxygen is going up, and her breaths per minute are sky rocketing. She is border line for pneumonia again. If she gets pneumonia or has to be transferred to the ICU I am not sure how I will cope with that. I am praying that we only have one more week in the hospital. The nurses keep telling me that two weeks is usually the max the newborns have to be hospitalized with RSV so I am hopeful. But if she gets worse it will be worse...I am sure ICU babies have longer stays.

Not to mention that hospital life is getting to me. I am starting to hate the food. I am getting sick of the randomness of which nurse I have in the day and who I have at night and how they each seem to have their own way of doing things which may or may not bug the heck out of me.

Well, she is waking up and I am REALLY needing to feed her. That is the one thing she has been consistent on. She is eating well and gaining weight. For that I am very grateful.

Grateful

Today Genevieve is two weeks old it makes me sad that she's only two weeks old and having to deal with so much. Poor little thing. But I am feeling really grateful that our stay in the hospital has gotten boring. The past couple days were filled with worry and stress but now it seems she is on the up swing and is getting stronger instead of worse. So instead of staring at her monitors and checking if she is blue or pink I am able to blog, watch TV and let the hours pass by without much event. The doctor rounded tonight and he said she has at least three more days on account of her need to be on IV antibiotics. I think it will be more then that as we have to slowly reduce her oxygen and get her off of it before we can go home and she is still on super high levels of oxygen. So today is day number five in the hospital and we will have at least an eight day stay. I wish things were different but really I feel very blessed with how things have worked out for us in this stressful time.

When Stewart told his aunt and uncle I was taking Genevieve to the ER they didn't even ask if we needed help they just started on their way to Reno. I am so grateful they didn't listen to me tell them not to worry and came anyways. They made super good time and met me at the ER. The ER was going to send us home until Aunt Sue saw the signs of her struggling and insisted that they hook her up to monitors to detect her oxygen levels and get her oxygen. Once they got monitors on her they realized her oxygen was 60-70%. If she hadn't been there I would have been sent home and then had to come back later with many hours of stress and risk for our baby. I am so grateful for their sensitivity and love in stepping in without being asked and taking care of the things that needed to be done.

Then we had the miracle of last night. Yesterday things were looking bad. She was struggling more and more. I could tell she was getting very fatigued. Everyone was on edge. We kept upping her oxygen only to have to up it more and more. She was getting so she wouldn't cry just whimper. Her breathing was so labored sometimes she would sort of just stop breathing and I'd have to pound on her back to try and get her to start breathing again. I started to get scared. The doctor said she was close to the line for being transferred to the larger hospital in Reno so she could be admitted to the pediatric ICU. He said as soon as she wouldn't eat she would be moved. We were praying so hard all day that she could make it through the night without getting worse. I pleaded with Heavenly Father that he would send angels to help give her strength to keep breathing, it just seemed clear to me that she didn't have enough energy to keep going on her own. Then something magical happened. She finally took a sound nap and slept so peacefully in my arms. When she awoke she was almost like a new baby she was starving and so pink and seemed alive again. It was a miracle. All night she was hungry and eating like a little champ. By the morning she was so much more healthy. The doctor was amazed.

Since then she just seems to be getting better and better. We are so grateful. We will be so happy to be home and together again as a family. The kids aren't allowed in her room so it has been really hard to ever see each other. I cant go far with her needing to eat so often. So I am lonely for my kids at home and my husband. Poor Stewart is getting a bit worn out from doing everything for the kids 24/7. He had already been Mr. Mom during the last month of my pregnancy and I was just recovering from labor and now this. I am so grateful for how patient he has been. I hope by the time we get to our anniversary the hospital and sickness is behind us and we can celebrate with the simple gift of being together again.

Thank you everyone for your prayers. I have felt them bless our little baby. I count them as what gave us our little miracle of Genevieve making a turn around. I am so grateful.