ahhhh!

Just freaking out a little...

where will it be?

Salt Lake Utah, Dallas Texas, Sacramento California, Tucson Arizona, Knoxville Tennessee, Burlington Vermont, Louisville Kentucky, Jacksonville Florida, Albuquerque New Mexico

I am interested in your guesses. what do you think?

Two Cute Kids

I finally got their Five and Four year pictures taken...I am too cheap to pay for "smiles by wire" so I scanned them so I could share and thus the quality is lacking but still I think you can see the cuteness. Looking at these I realize just how fast time is going... I guess what they say is more true then I ever thought, treasure this time when they are little because it goes by so quickly. oh, I love them.

Bridger

Angeli

Angeli Turns Four

OK, Angeli turned four almost two months ago and I was going to to do this post then but her birthday was when the kids all came down with RSV and then I was in the hospital for two weeks and I really wanted to post her four years pics which weren't getting taken and blah blah blah. So now here we are on March 13 posting about this cute little four year old.

Angeli had a fun birthday. I was going to throw her a party with friends but I was too tired since I had a baby just six days before and the kids were sick so we canceled the party plans. We bought her this out of control princess cake and Stewart took her and the boys to go see Tangled in the theater. They had a great time and we did make your own pizzas for dinner and then devoured her huge cake. She then went on a treasure hunt to find her gift...her very own bike! She was so excited to get a bike just like Bridger. We took it out and she and Bridger loved riding their bikes together. Besides them being sick it was a wonderful birthday. :O)

Now here is some gushing about my girly girl. Angeli is and always will be our angel girl. Everyone loves this girl in our family. She always thinks of others and enjoys helping out especially when it comes to the baby. Having a sister has been such a joy for her. She loves feeding her bottles, burping her, and holding her. She has this magic touch and will hold her for such a long time and get her to sleep when even I cant seem to get her down for a nap. Just this week we moved Genevieve into her crib in the "girl's" room and Angeli is so excited to have her to share a room with. Angeli is also Bridger's best friend. I am not sure what they would do without each other. Likewise Benjamin and Angeli are becoming really good friends. Now that he is older they play for hours by themselves and she is so motherly to him - sometimes a bit bossy - but its still pretty darn cute. :)

This girl loves telling stories. She will sit and talk and talk about every fairy tale she has ever heard and recount every scene from every movie she loves. I love listening to her. Angeli also really loves having time to herself...which is hard to come by in our snug little house. She sneaks away when she can and I love watching her play by herself when she doesn't realize I am there. She has such a sweet little imagination. She LOVES riding her bike. It is just about the cutest thing in the world to watch her and Bridger riding their tiny little bikes down the street. Adorable how big they think they are and yet how cute and small they really look.

Angeli is beautiful inside and out and I am so thankful I get to be her mother. I know she will bless my life and our family for all eternity. Here are some pics (sorry they are just scanned ones) I had her take when I was getting Genevieve's pictures taken. She is so gorgeous!

in one week...

I hope we are at URN campus opening an envelope telling us where we'll spend the next five years of our lives. I am so afraid we didn't match. I am not sure why we are both so nervous about not matching..I am not sure if that is normal or not. We didn't worry this much about medical school. Everyone I express our fears to laughs at us but you never know. I know logically he has over a 90% chance of matching but great applicants don't match every year. So with that fear I am actually not worrying much about Thursday but rather I am waiting for Monday with great anticipation. If he gets an email saying "you have fully matched into Radiology" then I will be throwing us a big party. BIG I tell you. And if he gets a call saying he didn't match then we'll be scrambling in an equally BIG way.

So till then I will not be wondering Salt Lake vs. Tuscon vs. Dallas vs. Vermont vs..... but Reno vs. anywhere else. Eeeeee. I hope Monday is a really good day. Wish us luck!

Genevieve's Baby Blessing

Oh, my heart is full. What a great weekend we just had. Seriously, all you have to do is throw me in a room with a ton of my family and I am one super happy girl and that is sort of what this weekend was like. A ton of dear family members squished into our tiny house laughing, eating yummy food, and oogeling over my latest creation, Genevieve. Heaven. :) And then adding in the mix our blessing our sweet little baby and I was basically over the moon.

Here are some pictures I took of her in her dress. Isn't she beautiful!?! My mom found her dress a long time ago at an antique shop and I loved it. It fit her perfectly and the kids kept saying she looked like a bride. :) I couldn't get a good picture of the entire dress because it is so long but the embroidery on the hem of the dress is very pretty.



We were so happy that family came to town to take part in Genevieve's baby blessing. We were going to do a big blessing in Vegas but our doctor advised us to keep her away from kids so we thought we better not drag her all over the state even though we wanted to so badly. But everything went perfectly. It was so great to see everyone again and my heart was about to burst as I sat in church and took in how very blessed and happy I am with all the riches I have in my family. Stewart gave her a tender blessing and the men were good to follow my strict instructions that they were not to let her cry. :)

We are so grateful to everyone for making their long drives for such a quick trip especially with gas prices going throw the roof! They made it such a memorable experience that I will cherish forever. We love you all and feel so grateful to be able to bless Genevieve with not only a name and a blessing but also that she can claim you all as her family. Your righteous examples and tender love is one of the greatest gifts we could ask for her.

The whole gang

Our family...if only we can learn to take better pictures. oh, well. :)

Smith Family - you've got to love Andrews face...
I wonder what on earth Jared was doing to him to make that face happen ;)

Shaun Ras Family

New Phase of Life

I am in a new phase of life and I am trying my darnedest to transition into it and try and process all its implications. It has been happening ever since I turned 26. It was not a happy advance of age for me. Then having my oldest turn five freaked me out big time. Then I had me another baby - which always makes you reevaluate the concept you have of yourself, and then realizing I have been married seven years has all been a bit much for me to take on in a four month period.

All the things I decided I liked about the concept of me are changing as I am changing and moving on in life and I am having to say goodbye to them...like how I liked my title of being a "young family." In ward counsel they were talking about a new family that moved in who needs companionship they asked for ideas as to who could be good friends with them. When Stewart volunteered they said, "No, we need a young family. Someone they can relate to." He was taken back and when he told me it hit us both. We really aren't the young ones anymore. Weird. I realized when we move into our new ward we will not be newly weds, or a new little family, No, we will be a big Mormon family with most of our kids being sent off to primary! Ahhhhh, that is so weird for me. Anyways, here are all the random things going through my head all day long:

-I feel really old.
-How much I appreciated the cute little lady at walmart who said she couldn't believe I had four kids being that I looked so young, that they were all such beautiful kids, that I was so "skinny" for having just had a baby, and the most amazing thing to her was that I seemed so comfortable and calm....she thought a lot about me apparently and I enjoyed her commentary very much. :)
-I wonder how on earth I ever got four kids?
-I finally feel confident in my ability to do all the thousands of tasks placed before me but wonder how on earth I will find the time to do them.
-I wonder when it got so hard to lose weight.
-I wonder if I really have what it takes to be a GOOD mother to my kids.
-I worry about the strain of having my kids in school more and more and I face saying a final goodbye to the power of having my day ruled by me and not school schedules.
-I wonder if we'll have enough money to take care of our kids as they seem to get more and more expensive every year.
-I wonder if I'll ever be able to do all the things I want - not all at once that is for sure.
-I wonder what should be my highest priorities?
-I wonder what life will be like in two years: where will we live, how well will we be doing, ...
-I wonder if I can really be successful at my etsy business.
-I wonder if I'll ever be stylish...probably not. Way too much effort for me. But I hope to never be totally out of touch.
-I wonder if I will ever get back to scrapbooking, and getting my blog books published,...
-I wonder when Genevieve will grow out of her fussy new born stage.
-I am really excited about Stewart graduating.
-I am really nervous that we wont match for residency and that my whole world would have a giant crack in it.
-I wonder how we'll ever get our house sold.
-I am really excited I will finally get to run a real race again this spring.
-I am so grateful I have my sweet sweet family.
-I am so in love with my husband...saves my butt every day!
-I am excited to see Genevieve grow up.
-I am so scared for match day...do I really want to know?
-I wonder if I will ever be able to remember all the appointments I have without needing to check my calendar like five times a day.
-I pray for a day when I can feel board again....wow, that sounds nice right now.
-I try and remember that I still have a month old baby and to not feel too badly if I am not up to speed yet...and then wonder what will "up to speed" mean from now on.
-I wonder if life will just keep getting faster and faster paced or if there will be times when things slow down again...

But I guess in all my wondering I know my life is pretty rock'n whether I am a prematurely aged worrying 26 year old or not. ;) Yup, its blessed and rock'n for sure.

One Month Old

Genevieve Celeste Rasmussen is one month old today. With one month under her belt she is strong and oh, so beautiful. In the quiet moments when it is just she and I and I get to talk to her,cuddle her, and love her I feel so much awe that she is mine. I know she is my fourth but it still amazes me beyond anything that I am her mother. The very fact that I grew a perfect little baby inside me and now I am blessed enough to get to keep her forever is sort of mind blowing.

I think she and I are going to be great friends. The sense I get of her little spirit is so amazing - I feel it is a honor to get to be her mother. I feel as though she is very much one of the noble and great ones. I feel that her spirit is mature, refined, almost a sense of nobility,...I can feel her divine nature and that she is a true daughter of God in every sense of the word. There is no doubt in my mind that she will make an impact for good in this world. She bares a mantel of dignity and honor that I have a hard time trying to put into words but it is there. She is lady, not a girl, a beautiful women of God.

Genevieve, Happy one month! You survived birth, RSV, another bad cold, and one month of your brothers and sisters craziness! You are one awesome baby. :)

Seven Years

Today is Stewart and my seventh wedding anniversary. I cant believe I have been married that long. Man, I must be getting old. Having my fourth kid and now my seventh wedding anniversary is weirding me out because I realize I am not young any more. Ahhh! But my age is beside the point, I really just want to express how much I appreciate and love my hubby. When I reflect back on our journey the past 8 years since we've met I am overwhelmed with so much gratitude. He has given me every happiness, he has stood by my side through many trials and many joys, he has believed in me, he has encouraged me, he has always chosen to see the beauty in me, and he has always been my hero.

The fact that I have a companion who lets me be crazy enough to have four kids in barely five years, who helped me graduate from college, who helps me run my little homes businesses, who never finds faults in me, who walks in the door everyday and gives me a big kiss, who works himself to the bone for our family, who shares my griefs as if they were his own and celebrates my joys as his as well, to have a man that puts his family and God first, a man who honors his priesthood, a man who loves his mother and treats her with so much love, a man who thinks my cooking is the best around, to have a man who shares my dreams is the greatest gift in the world.

This past year has been a challenging one and my sweet husband has been there for me every step of the way without ever complaining. Through all of my pregnancy woes and all our poverty and all the stress of life he has lifted more then his share of the load and done it with a smile. I cant even express what a beautiful selfless gift that has been.

Knowing that I have a man of God who has promised to be by my side through everything life chooses to throw at us is my favorite thing. I will love him for all eternity.

Stewart, Happy Anniversary! I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with you. XOXO:)

happy happy!

The IV is out - had it for six days! Now I can actually dress her in real clothes. :) And if she stays at 100 cc/m or lower then we can go home this weekend! We're so optimistic and happy! Plus I think she is the prettiest little baby girl in the world, I just adore her! Been here 10 days and hope it won't be much more. :) Daddy, sorry you couldn't see her today. Here's some pictures.

Roller Coster

So I think due to some major fasting she was able to make tons of progress. Yay! I hope she can maintain it! This might not mean anything to anyone but Sunday morning she was at 500 cc/m and currently she is at 100 cc/m of oxygen. That is huge! Plus she is maintaining really good saturation. I think she has been averaging around 98% oxygen and her respiration rate is way more consistent and while still high not as high as it was. Her doctor is still very cautious. After two dips after thinking we were on the up he is careful to not let us think we are out of the clear just yet. This morning he told me that I needed to plan on being her longer then the two week general max for babies with RSV. He said that it seems as though she is doing all the things you'd expect with RSV however it is just taking longer then normal to have them play out. So if she stays true to that pattern then we will be here longer then normal. That is a big disappointment. I am ok with it just disappointed and trying to be positive. Hope for the best but plan for the worst is the way to go in situations like this. So I guess we are cautiously optimistic today....but she looks really good. Really happy. Really healthy. Really cute. :)

Discouraged

Yesterday she went down hill again. Oh, it is so hard. Almost all the progress she made is gone. Her lungs are getting worse, her oxygen is going up, and her breaths per minute are sky rocketing. She is border line for pneumonia again. If she gets pneumonia or has to be transferred to the ICU I am not sure how I will cope with that. I am praying that we only have one more week in the hospital. The nurses keep telling me that two weeks is usually the max the newborns have to be hospitalized with RSV so I am hopeful. But if she gets worse it will be worse...I am sure ICU babies have longer stays.

Not to mention that hospital life is getting to me. I am starting to hate the food. I am getting sick of the randomness of which nurse I have in the day and who I have at night and how they each seem to have their own way of doing things which may or may not bug the heck out of me.

Well, she is waking up and I am REALLY needing to feed her. That is the one thing she has been consistent on. She is eating well and gaining weight. For that I am very grateful.

Grateful

Today Genevieve is two weeks old it makes me sad that she's only two weeks old and having to deal with so much. Poor little thing. But I am feeling really grateful that our stay in the hospital has gotten boring. The past couple days were filled with worry and stress but now it seems she is on the up swing and is getting stronger instead of worse. So instead of staring at her monitors and checking if she is blue or pink I am able to blog, watch TV and let the hours pass by without much event. The doctor rounded tonight and he said she has at least three more days on account of her need to be on IV antibiotics. I think it will be more then that as we have to slowly reduce her oxygen and get her off of it before we can go home and she is still on super high levels of oxygen. So today is day number five in the hospital and we will have at least an eight day stay. I wish things were different but really I feel very blessed with how things have worked out for us in this stressful time.

When Stewart told his aunt and uncle I was taking Genevieve to the ER they didn't even ask if we needed help they just started on their way to Reno. I am so grateful they didn't listen to me tell them not to worry and came anyways. They made super good time and met me at the ER. The ER was going to send us home until Aunt Sue saw the signs of her struggling and insisted that they hook her up to monitors to detect her oxygen levels and get her oxygen. Once they got monitors on her they realized her oxygen was 60-70%. If she hadn't been there I would have been sent home and then had to come back later with many hours of stress and risk for our baby. I am so grateful for their sensitivity and love in stepping in without being asked and taking care of the things that needed to be done.

Then we had the miracle of last night. Yesterday things were looking bad. She was struggling more and more. I could tell she was getting very fatigued. Everyone was on edge. We kept upping her oxygen only to have to up it more and more. She was getting so she wouldn't cry just whimper. Her breathing was so labored sometimes she would sort of just stop breathing and I'd have to pound on her back to try and get her to start breathing again. I started to get scared. The doctor said she was close to the line for being transferred to the larger hospital in Reno so she could be admitted to the pediatric ICU. He said as soon as she wouldn't eat she would be moved. We were praying so hard all day that she could make it through the night without getting worse. I pleaded with Heavenly Father that he would send angels to help give her strength to keep breathing, it just seemed clear to me that she didn't have enough energy to keep going on her own. Then something magical happened. She finally took a sound nap and slept so peacefully in my arms. When she awoke she was almost like a new baby she was starving and so pink and seemed alive again. It was a miracle. All night she was hungry and eating like a little champ. By the morning she was so much more healthy. The doctor was amazed.

Since then she just seems to be getting better and better. We are so grateful. We will be so happy to be home and together again as a family. The kids aren't allowed in her room so it has been really hard to ever see each other. I cant go far with her needing to eat so often. So I am lonely for my kids at home and my husband. Poor Stewart is getting a bit worn out from doing everything for the kids 24/7. He had already been Mr. Mom during the last month of my pregnancy and I was just recovering from labor and now this. I am so grateful for how patient he has been. I hope by the time we get to our anniversary the hospital and sickness is behind us and we can celebrate with the simple gift of being together again.

Thank you everyone for your prayers. I have felt them bless our little baby. I count them as what gave us our little miracle of Genevieve making a turn around. I am so grateful.