I am in a new phase of life and I am trying my darnedest to transition into it and try and process all its implications. It has been happening ever since I turned 26. It was not a happy advance of age for me. Then having my oldest turn five freaked me out big time. Then I had me another baby - which always makes you reevaluate the concept you have of yourself, and then realizing I have been married seven years has all been a bit much for me to take on in a four month period.
All the things I decided I liked about the concept of me are changing as I am changing and moving on in life and I am having to say goodbye to them...like how I liked my title of being a "young family." In ward counsel they were talking about a new family that moved in who needs companionship they asked for ideas as to who could be good friends with them. When Stewart volunteered they said, "No, we need a young family. Someone they can relate to." He was taken back and when he told me it hit us both. We really aren't the young ones anymore. Weird. I realized when we move into our new ward we will not be newly weds, or a new little family, No, we will be a big Mormon family with most of our kids being sent off to primary! Ahhhhh, that is so weird for me. Anyways, here are all the random things going through my head all day long:
-I feel really old.
-How much I appreciated the cute little lady at walmart who said she couldn't believe I had four kids being that I looked so young, that they were all such beautiful kids, that I was so "skinny" for having just had a baby, and the most amazing thing to her was that I seemed so comfortable and calm....she thought a lot about me apparently and I enjoyed her commentary very much. :)
-I wonder how on earth I ever got four kids?
-I finally feel confident in my ability to do all the thousands of tasks placed before me but wonder how on earth I will find the time to do them.
-I wonder when it got so hard to lose weight.
-I wonder if I really have what it takes to be a GOOD mother to my kids.
-I worry about the strain of having my kids in school more and more and I face saying a final goodbye to the power of having my day ruled by me and not school schedules.
-I wonder if we'll have enough money to take care of our kids as they seem to get more and more expensive every year.
-I wonder if I'll ever be able to do all the things I want - not all at once that is for sure.
-I wonder what should be my highest priorities?
-I wonder what life will be like in two years: where will we live, how well will we be doing, ...
-I wonder if I can really be successful at my etsy business.
-I wonder if I'll ever be stylish...probably not. Way too much effort for me. But I hope to never be totally out of touch.
-I wonder if I will ever get back to scrapbooking, and getting my blog books published,...
-I wonder when Genevieve will grow out of her fussy new born stage.
-I am really excited about Stewart graduating.
-I am really nervous that we wont match for residency and that my whole world would have a giant crack in it.
-I wonder how we'll ever get our house sold.
-I am really excited I will finally get to run a real race again this spring.
-I am so grateful I have my sweet sweet family.
-I am so in love with my husband...saves my butt every day!
-I am excited to see Genevieve grow up.
-I am so scared for match day...do I really want to know?
-I wonder if I will ever be able to remember all the appointments I have without needing to check my calendar like five times a day.
-I pray for a day when I can feel board again....wow, that sounds nice right now.
-I try and remember that I still have a month old baby and to not feel too badly if I am not up to speed yet...and then wonder what will "up to speed" mean from now on.
-I wonder if life will just keep getting faster and faster paced or if there will be times when things slow down again...
But I guess in all my wondering I know my life is pretty rock'n whether I am a prematurely aged worrying 26 year old or not. ;) Yup, its blessed and rock'n for sure.
2020 goals
6 years ago
3 comments:
Oh, Emily. I love you. OLD, at 26?!?! I mean, I get it, I'm kind of having the same settling in to older kids and a larger family moment, but you're NOT OLD. Just for the record.
We should talk sometime. Call me if you have a chance this week and I'll try to remember as well! Tomorrow's insane, but the rest of the week is chill.
So you have a lot of kids...You are definitely not old at 26. I actually had my first at 26. I have decided that I am going to try and consider myself young for as long as I can. So far it has worked and people think I am younger than than my 38 years.
Life gets busier in a different way as the kids get older and in more activities, but you get used to it. Your days get less hectic and your afternoons and evenings get crazy. I don't think I have ever been bored but that is because I have so many things on my list that I want to get done. Life does go fast so try and enjoy when they are little. Jacob turns 12 next month. I can't believe how fast it has gone although I never thought Jacob and Savannah would sleep through the night. And by the way, in my ward you would definitely be a young family.
Welcome to motherhood:) Worrying doesn't get you anywhere just gives you something more to do:) Remember "old" is a state of mind! and To us that are "old" you are still a young couple:) Todd and I consider ourselves newlyweds still~it is great! And as for sending your kids to school more~there is another option:) It is hard but worth every moment of time I get with them! The world home educated for thousands of years before the 19 century when we created school for the masses and not the individual! Okay off the soap box and on to helping the girls with a vacuum lesson! have a great day and snuggle that baby, don't blink cuz 6 months happens really FAST!
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