Two Weeks Notice

One of the great things about being a stay at home lady is that you get to be your own boss. Not that you don't have a million demands from your dependents constantly but nonetheless you decide how you will take care of all your responsibilities and what "extras" you will sign up for. Now this can be a really fabulous blessing or a major curse. It depends on what kind of boss you are to yourself. Lately I have been a terrible boss. I keep adding more and more to my to-do list. I want to blame others but the reality is that it is all me. I have been waiting for someone to come and advocate for me and take away my heavy load but there is no one to do that for me but myself. I am the one and only boss. If I was a hired employee and my boss required me to do all that I require of myself I would absolutely QUIT! They would be completely unfair and unreasonable. So I am giving myself my two week notice. For the next two weeks I am going to do all the things I am already over committed to do and then I am done. Then I will be the best boss I could ever ask for and I will not make myself do anything I would not ask another person to do.

Now I know this might sound like a contradiction after reading my "motto" post but it is what it is. I can only dig so deep for things that are secondary to my family's welfare. I realized that the joy I had that day only came after I put my family first and set aside my Christmas gifts, service projects, and event planning. They often say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I mean well with all I want to do...I want to be so many wonderful things and do so many wonderful things for others but if I am distracted by all these "goods" I may just destroy what really matters most. When my children reflect back on their childhood I don't want them to first reply that I was beautiful, a great cook, or whatever I want them to say "My mother loved me." - I never want them to feel that they were just burdens taking me away from my more important work. There is nothing more important then them. Nothing.

Ahhhh, my load feels lighter already!

The Little Man of the House

Bridger is the man of the house these days and he has been so important to our functioning lately. Can I just say what a difference almost 4 is from three?!?!? It is huge. My boy has been such a big helper. He is right there when I call "clean up time". He is the first one to get the tooth brushes out at night time, he is sweet to Benjamin, he helps set the table, he gets dressed all by himself, he always is there to play with me, he can vacuum for me, helps keep track of Benjamin and Angeli for me when we are out and about, and best of all he always gives me hugs and kisses when I need them the most. Daddy, you've got a good man taking care of us while you are gone.

This is when Stewart was giving Bridger instructions right before he left for Vegas. I love these men.

Guess where we are going...

The "MERRIEST" Place on Earth!


Can't wait. :O)

Each Chapter Has Its Motto

I seem to have little mottoes for the different chapters of my life. They come from the whisperings of the Spirit that I seem to hear over and over again in my heart and my mind during that period of time. My latest motto has become "Dig Deep with Joyful Courage". I have come to think of it as empowering myself to chose to be happy and to meet the challenges in front of me. I have often gone to the Lord in prayer with a heavy heart and come to the conclusion that I am strong enough to not stress it, that I must pick myself up and get to work. I am to decide to not worry because I cant afford to spend my time on it. This is a little new for me. I am one to embrace my feelings. I like to mull them over and come to an emotional resolution and usually feel that I have grown and am better for it. But these days its not so. I just don't have the emotional space to do that anymore. I have got to get going and let those emotions diminish on their own. I started a daily journal to help me in this. When I feel weighed down by something I type it up, get it out, and then get on with my day. It has been really helpful. Life is going so quickly and I want to live every moment of it and not waste my precious time. Tonight I had to do just this. I had some hitch surface about the thing I am putting on this weekend = stress, the house was a disaster even though it had been spotless just that morning, the kids didn't eat the dinner I cooked and made a huge mess with it (Angeli spilled my juice all over the table and Bridger grabbed a handful of crackers crushed them in his hand and then threw them in the air, Bnejie was a standard 11 month old and had half his food on him,the floor, and his high chair), I had spent most the day doing ceramics with Bridger's preschool class = work for no pay, the kids had been fighting all day long and crying all most non-stop, and I was so tired. I called Stewart and unloaded a little bit. Then my phone battery died.

I sat there for a moment I wanted to cry BUT that feeling came over me. It seemed to say, "Emily you can do this and it will make you very happy to just dig deep and do it." So I plopped myself down in the middle of the living room and the kids came to me like a magnet. I held all three of them as they jockeyed for the most lap space and we laughed and talked. We wrestled, cuddled, and played until they had their fill. I followed with a little Family Home Evening lesson. Then I got busy cleaning the house, getting the kids in their jammies and brushing their teeth, and ran several loads of laundry.

Later when Stewart called he couldn't believe all that I had gotten done. I felt triumphant and capable. We did scriptures, prayers, and story time with Daddy over the phone. Wished daddy good night and gave our "family kisses" to each other. I tucked my babies into bed and was able to smile about my day. I had dug deep and found joy.

I only hope my next motto can be "Sit Back and Take in The View!" ;O)

"Bye Daddy. Don't draw on Grandma's house!"

Those were the parting words from Bridger. :O) Stewart left today. He is starting his OB/GYN rotation. The kids kept asking why daddy had to go to school at Grandma's house. Honestly we didn't have the greatest answers for them. I finally just told them it was because it is the best place for daddy to learn how to help mommies have their babies. They thought it was rather cool that daddy would get to help out with something as exciting as having babies. He'll be in Vegas for six weeks. The kids and I will be here until Thanksgiving and then we will drive to Utah where we will be together to celebrate Thanksgiving day. After that we will follow him back to Vegas to celebrate Benjamin's first birthday. That was one thing we were not going to let him miss out on. After our celebrating is done the kids and I will drive home to wait out the remaining three weeks until he returns home. I am feeling a mixture of feelings right now: sadness, courage, weakness, gratefulness, tiredness and energy. I just have to decide to let the positive feelings prevail. Its only two weeks till we see him again so I know I wont miss him too too terribly but seriously, driving to Utah by myself with three kids, setting up our Christmas without him, being a single 24/7 parent to three littles, and keeping up with sharing time, planning our primary quarterly activity, baby shower throwing, ceramics, my catering thing I started, hosting play group, getting my Christmas projects done...I feel overwhelmed. I am just praying I can have the peace of mind to do the most important thing - be my babies mommy. Stewart, work hard so you can play when we come to town! Till then we miss you and love you!

12 -11=1

Did you know that Benjamin is one month away from his first birthday? I am rather aware and I am freaking out about it. How did we get to this point? How has time flown so fast? When did I recover from birth? When did he learn to hold his own bottle? When did he learn how to pat my back? When did he turn into a toddler? Oh, I know I say this way too often but I am sad life is going this fast. I want to take a short break to just capture this perfect time with my babies that aren't really babies anymore.

What this kid has had fun doing this past month:
- he found his complaining SCREAM
- he mastered walking in time for his daddy to see before he leaves again
- grown in more teeth
- fell in love with hot dogs
- perfected his signature dance move
- how to climb on top of the coffee table
- realized that some objects are not fun to suck on
- he had his first Halloween bringing about the discovered joy of Dumb Dumbs and Smarties
- learned how to do high fives
- insists on feeding the feeder....I feed him some food but after awhile he fusses until I give him the spoon (with food on it) and what does he do with it? He doesn't feed himself he feeds me. As you can guess his quality of food has gone up a notch. :O)
- established that Sundays are only operated on his terms....yes, we are major hall walkers these days - just seven months till nursery!

We love him so very much. Cant even imagine life without him.

Playing with my food

So I have been playing! I am trying to master cute baking. Yes, that means mini. I have always loved to cook and bake but it has always been with the focus on taste not cuteness. Recently I decided to try my hand at making a little money catering small events and thus I thought I should work on making my stuff pretty, mini, and still very yummy. Yesterday I got to work experimenting and playing with mini cupcakes. But that is not all. We bought a new camera. Its not fancy or anything but it is an upgrade and so I have had fun trying to take better food pictures as well. Here is what I got. These are my banana muffins/cupcakes topped with my favorite rich butterscotch frosting. I was trying to get everything figured out: the right consistency for the frosting, the right fill for the cupcake cups, the right bake temperature, the right bake time, if they were better when filled with cream,...So these are some of my experiments with mini cupcakes and my new camera. I think we made some progress. So much fun.

Best Friends

These two play, talk, fight, race, plan, scheme, cuddle, jump, pretend, share, horde, color, hide, seek, build, dress, eat, sleep, bathe, clean, make messes, whine, and cheer together all day long. They are each others best friend.Every time we pick Bridger up from preschool they run to each other and embrace shouting, "I missed you!" It is very fun to watch. I will always maintain that one of the best gifts I ever gave them was each other. I think they would have to agree with me. :O)

"Mom, someday?"

One day as we were on our way to school Bridger saw the big yellow school bus parked by the side of the school. He asked me longingly, "Mom, someday can I ride on a school bus?" I explained that someday he would get to ride a school bus that it would probably be in a long time so he would have to be patient. He said, "Ok, mom." and was a little sad to hear me squash his hopes of a bus ride. I took him into the cafeteria and signed him in when his teacher told me that they had just made plans to go a on field trip to the local pumpkin patch. I immediately asked if they would be riding on the bus. She said they would be. I was so excited to tell Bridger and he was even more excited when I told him he'd get to ride on the school bus soon. When the day finally arrived he was so ecstatic. Angeli was sad she couldn't go and she made sure we stood there and waved to all the kids goodbye (she did get to go to our play group Halloween party though so her sadness was short lived). Bridger sat next to his teacher on the bus and she later told me that the entire drive he kept poking her on her arm to tell her how fun if was to be riding on the "big yellow school bus". I was such the dorky mom taking pictures and beaming for my boy going on his first field trip and riding on the school bus for the first time. Oh, I cant believe he is already having these grow up experiences. Time is flying!

He had to ride in his car seat on the bus. It made me laugh that he had to do that; such a big boy and yet still so very young. He didn't care at all though. As you can clearly see...

Such good kind hands.

We have lost our share of library books over the last year. Each time we have had to replace them at cost, time, and energy to us. I promised myself after each book had been lost that it would be my last lost library book. With every loss I would take even more extreme precautions to insure our borrowed books safe return. But as my life would have it we lost yet another book. Like all the ones before I was flabbergasted that I could have lost it. This time the lost book was Bridger's favorite. We ALL searched high and low. After renewing the book for the last possible time I was disappointed that I would have to face the grumpy librarians to tell them I was still a bad parent who had lost ANOTHER book. Just going to the library when my kids are hushed by all those around and people are constantly giving me looks like "control your children!" is hard enough but to have to face them and explain I am as irresponsible as they assume is painful. Besides, searching online for a lame old book that would cost more then it was worth because it is out of print is not my favorite pass-time either. Thinking of this approaching fate I thought we would just have to stop going to the library all together. With all this on my mind I began praying fervently for this book. Several times a day I would say a little prayer that I would be blessed to find it so we would not have to go through that ordeal.

Tonight I found the book. It was were it should have been all along. I had looked there at least five times, Stewart had searched there at least twice. It was on our way high up (children cant reach) "library book cubby". Just sitting there like it had always been there with all the other books.

I pulled it out and Stewart and I were totally astonished. It was an honest-to-goodness miracle. I don't know any other explanation then that Heavenly Father placed it there somehow.How? I have real answer only that it must have been a tender mercy.

It brings so much awe and comfort to my heart to think that Heavenly Father would bring about such a miracle for us. I mean really, a library book?!?!? I feel as though He his reminding me that if He takes such care to accomplish a thing like finding a library book how much more care He takes to protect, guide, and lead our family's welfare. It is so very good to know we are in such good, kind hands. Thank you Heavenly Father for our library book miracle. :O)

"The doctor said no more wawow."

Last week Angeli, Bridger, and Benjamin had a dentist appointment. It was with a new dentist. One I like much better then our old one. Our old dentist assured me that Angeli's teeth were not being affected by her pacifier. So I haven't really made it a priority to have her get rid of her pacifier habit. But this new dentist, who is a lot more on top of it, told me that her teeth were very much affected by her pacifier, to the point of affecting her speech. When Stewart got home I told him the news. He has been pushing for her to get rid of it but I wanted to let her keep it until we survived him being gone, our Thanksgiving and winter trips, and until she gets more used to her toddler bed. BUT with this in the equation we both knew we had to bite the bullet and talk to her about giving it up. Stewart sat down with her and explained what the dentist said about her pacifier making her teeth grow in wrong and making her mouth not work correctly. She sat there for a moment taking it in. Then she looked at me very seriously with so much sadness in her eyes and said, "Mommy, the doctor said no more wawow?" (wawow at our house is the same as binkie in other homes) Then she said it again very sadly; she was about to cry. I said "Yes, honey. The dentist said it is hurting your teeth." Then she just kept repeating that same phrase over and over again, "doctor said no more wawow". Each time she said it she became less and less sad to the point that she was becoming very serious about it. Finally she exclaimed waving her finger in the air, "THE DOCTOR SAID NO MORE WAWOW!" and that was that. She has not touched one since.

Yesterday she had a hard day. She has been waking up every night and not been able to take naps without it. She was crying and so exhausted. I tried to give it to her so she could take a nap but she said, "the doctor said no more wawow Mommy!" Later she came up to me crying once again so tired out and said, " I want my wawow." I told her that it hurt her teeth and she said, "Yeah, the doctor said no more wawow." and closed her wawow drawer all by herself.

It is so impressive to me to see just how determined she is. It is hard for her to give it up but she is choosing the greater good no matter how hard it is for her right now. How very mature of her. I think we have a very determined, smart, strong girl on our hands. What a blessing she is in our home.

Stepping Out into the World!

or at least down the hall. ;o) He really walks. Its official. Its adorable. Its a Benjamin triumph for sure. Grandparents, this video is for you. Such a cute tODdlEr!