My Problem With Twilight

I love the Twilight series. I mean, who has read them and not become an addict? My only problem is that they are so dang popular! I have an issue with popular things. Harry Potter, scrapbooking, Cell phones, I Pods, and Mac computers all have given me the same issues. They are just so popular I decide I want nothing to do with them. It must just be my pride. I do not like feeling like I am being compelled to do things. I like to think it was my idea and not someone else's. Why am I that way? I guess if I were a big music, reading, computer, and craft buff I would not feel that way. But because I am not, I totally feel like a poser. If I am doing it just because everyone said it was cool then it feels rather fake. But despite my total lack of true reading passion I love Harry Potter and I love Twilight. I never wanted a cell phone because it was so over done but then I really really was addicted to them. Despite my little craftiness I really enjoy scrapbooking. And although I do not own a Mac or an I pod I think they are really truly awesome. Yup, its true I must be a poser!

But I can live with my poser love of Twilight, I like it just that much! I am throwing a Twilight party at my house! I am soooo excited about it! Stewart is really embarrassed about it, every time I bring it up he cringes. Sorry hun, but I think it will be a blast! You are all officially invited!!! It is the night before the book release. August 1st. All fans are invited or anyone who wants to eat a lot of red food (going with the vampire theme -blood) and listen to people obsess about vampires, romance and guessing what will happen next! I think I might make a trivia game to help us all remember the books before we read the next one. Oh, I am so excited! Food, a fun theme, and socializing! Who could ask for more!?!

Number Three So Fast?

I have been trying to figure out whether I would consider myself an easygoing person or an intense person (simply because I am annoyingly introspective!). I finally realized today that I am easy going compared to my old days but nonetheless, I am intense. I came to this conclusion when I was thinking about me being pregnant again. When people tell me that they could never have their babies that close I find it odd that I don't feel the same way at all. It makes way more sense to not rush, but I feel I could never not have them super close. In fact I feel like we waited quite awhile to have this one, if I had to wait one more month to get pregnant (Stewart can verify this) I would have been near suicidal. LOL, I was a mess! One year break between babies!?! To me that is huge! :) Looking at the numbers I am going to have three kids two and under. Not for very long mind you, but still having three kids under three is saying something. I have had a baby in 2006, 2007, and now I will have a baby in 2008. A baby a year is a bit much. :O) But really I have never been one to do things in an easygoing manner. When I decide I am going to start working out, I WORKOUT! I do a workout video every morning, run six miles everyday, I like to throw in a walk "for the kids", and sit-ups too if I am board. When I decided I was going to go to college, I went to COLLEGE! I started at BYU and then 3 years later I graduated. I did every term and semester I could...why take a break?!??!?! So I guess when I decided to have babies, I am HAVING BABIES! I make up my mind and then I am full-steam ahead. I am just built that way - I must get it from my dad, that is how I would describe my father. I really am depressed when I don't have something to obsess about, OCDish and true! So that is my explanation to the world about baby number three. I don't really feel I need to have one or even that anyone cares much, but I guess I just wanted to write about it. :O) Basically it just plane makes me happy to go forward so darn fast. I love thinking that when I do toddlers I will do toddlers to the max, and when we do elementary school then we will REALLY be doing elementary school, and WOW! the high school years will be a blur!!! I find that just perfect for me and the tempo I thrive at. I feel grateful that we have been able to get pregnant when we have wanted to, each person gets the spacing they need and I guess we have gotten ours = close!

However, in my defense to those who find rushed people annoying, I often feel the same way!!! I adore my husband because he is not rushed at all. He is the essence of calm. He makes sure that I can still watch TV, eat tons of cookies, not fold the laundry, never scrapbook, bypass workouts, let the dishes pile up, and toilets turn yellow and miraculously I don't stress one bit about it. Thank heavens for wonderful people like Stewart in the world that keep rushed obsessive types like me grounded!

I decided that I am actually going to take pregnancy pictures this time around. It may be more of a chronicle of weight gain then tummy growth :) but I am going to do it anyways. Here I am at 8 weeks.


I think that is pretty big for eight weeks, but I know most people would think that is weak! :O) I am now five weeks further along. I will take a picture this week sometime. I am not sure if my tummy is much bigger but my thighs sure are! That will at least be fun to see! LOL

I am due December 9th. I am now 13 weeks along. The past two weeks I have been feeling pretty good as far as morning sickness goes, I am a bit nervous that I am feeling too good and maybe miscarrying but then I threw-up on Monday. That left me more reassured that our baby is still doing it's thing! You go baby! :)

A Day at Tahoe

We loaded up the family with the kid's Uncle Lee (My sister Bethany's husband) and headed to Tahoe for some mountain fun while he was in town picking up his new hot ride - our funny little truck. It was a lovely day at Tahoe. We played on the beach, climbed lots of rocks around the shore, did some super easy path hikes, and had a great picnic. The animals at our picnic site were obviously very used to humans. At one point we had four squirrels and about ten birds hanging out very close to our food. Bridger and Angeli loved being so close to them and chasing them away when they got too friendly. :O) The kids and us were in heaven and it really was beautiful. I am already planning our next trip. If I get my way it will be this weekend!

Stewart is one of those that reads the little placards at museums and zoo's and other such places. In his and Lee's reading we learned some interesting facts about Tahoe.

- It is the third/second deepest lake in The U.S., tenth deepest in the world
- It's surface water never gets hotter then 70 degrees
- Is drained only by the Truckee River which is our river that passes our home
-The Trukee river is the river that makes Pyramid Lake in Nevada
-Tahoe was formed by moving plates and glaciers
- Twenty rivers and streams fill it today
- the water is super clear and blue!!!

Faith Whether You are Daniel or Abinidi

I have always thought of myself as someone with a good portion of faith. In some areas I have very deep and (to me) very profound reverence and faith. In other areas I know I lack the insight and experience to truly appreciate and have complete faith. But I have never thought my Faith (in a general sense) was off track until recently. I realized my faith though very passionate and strong was in fact a little misled. Through that experience I realized an element of faith as a whole that I never really had internalized before. My realization:

We are asked to have faith in the Lord. We are asked to have faith that He will be there for us, that He will not leave us comfortless and without aid. We are asked to believe in things hoped for but not seen. And I guess I let my hopes construct what I had faith in a little too much. I began to have faith in the Lord doing things my way. When I prayed about my life struggles I found myself saying things like, "Father I am worried about life. I wonder when it will be better. I have Faith that it will get better. " Which is a fine prayer except my "better" was a very loaded word. Better was defined by specific things, things that I didn't realize might be futile to have hope and faith in. If the Lord tells you that you will someday travel the world and then you spend your life having faith that you will sprout wings and fly then you have a long wait and a lot of disappointment ahead of you! :) We have been promised that we will be okay, that everything will be all right, that we can have joy and profound peace now and in eternity - not that we will have things our way.

I often see two differing types of stories in the scriptures. Some are like Daniel in the lions den. He had faith. He is thrown in a den of lions BUT they don't eat him because God saves the day! The king retrieves Daniel from the den, the unjust law is revoked and everyone but the bad guys turns out happy. Then there are those stories like Abinidi . He was a man of tremendous faith but things didn't go too smooth for him. He might have envisioned helping to convert many of the people and building up the church in righteous service for years to come, but that was not what happened. When he was delivered to the "den of lions' he was burned to death. He died. Was everything all right in the end? Of course!!!! Is Abinidi happy? Of course! Was his dream to teach the Gospel and make a difference granted? Yes, hello Alma!!! And I am sure he has taught countless people of the Gospel on the other side.

Tragedy happens, things can appear to go completely wrong to us and still go even more wrong. Daniel did not feel real excited to be hanging out with hungry lions but things turned out perfect anyways. Abinidi, was unlucky and it didn't get much better. But in both stories everything was okay and ultimately both great men accomplish what they longed for the most. Outcomes are promised to us, not necessarily events.

The most dramatic example is of Jesus. The Saviour didn't really have the idealistic life. However he lived the most profound life of any person who has ever lived or will live. He came to this world to be our Saviour, that is what he yerned for the most and that was what He was granted. He was in no measure excited to suffer in Gethsemane but He did it because it was God's will and because it was what would ultimately would bring Him unbelievable joy - fulfilling his purpose, redemption.

We have covenanted with our Heavenly Father and Saviour to try our best to do our part and and have the faith that they will do theirs, which is to bring us exaltation and eternal joy. Often in life tragedy is the rout we are asked to take to accomplish such outcomes as it is often a rout we never knew existed.

I realized in this realization that I needed the sort of faith that believes not just in happy routs but the sort of faith of Abinidi. I needed the faith in which I am willing to walk into a lions den for the Lord even when I know God could still let the lions devour me. This dose not mean I should live in fear. No, it means we live empowered; afraid of nothing. We can go forward knowing that lions may eat us but that they will never destroy us, that with God there is nothing to fear. That our lives, no matter how un-idealistic, they are profound and without doubt accomplish what we most desire. We are not living wasted lives, we are living our deepest desires into life, we are serving our Lord, we are obtaining joy. I realized I must live not in denail of tragedy but with the faith to never fear it. That is a grand thing, realistic and grand.

Pioneers crossed the plains with much difficulty but they all reached their Promised Land and the rest in the Lord they so longed for whether they made it to Utah or not. We will always hope that Lions never get us but most importantly we will have faith that God is over all, we are His.

Spring, Summer, or Fall?

The weather has been really weird here in Reno. It has gone from feeling like lovely Spring, to HOT Summer, to gray wet Fall in a matter of two weeks. Right now it is very Fallish. Our front tree is starting to turn orange and yellow - it thinks its fall too!!! It has been raining for days and a couple days ago Stew left for the hospital and it was snowing. A week ago it was 98 degrees. So weird. Anyways, here are some pictures of our cute kids enjoying the weather no matter what it is like!

Swimming in our backyard

Evenings cooling off with ice cream

Rainy play days

When Bridger sees the camera come out he tries to smile for it but he doesn't really know how to produce one on cue. It is a little more like a growl. It totally makes us laugh. :O)

And baby number three really doesn't even notice the weather! :)

NEW CALLING!!!

For forever I have been the one that gets called and then left there until...we move. I had resigned myself to being in the nursery for forever just like in my last ward had left me as the senior primary teacher from my second week there until we moved three and a half years later. My mom always tells me that I never get moved because I do such a good job at my callings. :) Well, I must have messed up the nursery because I finally got called to a new calling. I am so excited about it largely because I finally get to work with more then one other adult. I am the Second Counselor in the Primary. I really love Primary and feel like I know it well so I am excited to get to work more closely in it. I really enjoy everyone who is in there with me. When I was called my first reaction was shock that I was actually called to a new calling and then I was worried for Bridger. He is so used to having his mom there. When I would even step out to get water or something he'd freak out. So last night Stewart gave him a blessing. I know that is so dorky but I felt it would help him. Today was my first Sunday away from nursery and he didn't even miss me! :) Now I just need to pray for the new nursery leaders to be brave and strong because it is seriously a crazy bunch. I really enjoy those kids and honestly love them. I even missed them today. I sort of feel parental - I am worried that whoever is called might not love them like I do. :) There are a couple little boys - my son very VERY much included - that range from crying for mom all the time to hitting all the time that make it more like a zoo then anything else so it is hard to keep level headed. I am grateful I am the counselor over the nursery. I hope I can still be a help. Anyways, yay for me! And I oversee the Activity Girls too! One of my old callings I know and love. What a great calling I have! Yay! Yay! Yay! :)

Becoming a Doctor and a Doctor's Wife or My Parents?

Becoming a doctor just became a lot more fun for Stewart. He is loving being able to watch and help out the doctor he is shadowing in all her surgeries and seeing all the pre-opt and post- opt patients in the office. He calls me everyday on his way home from his last surgery of the day and is so excited about everything he was able to do: stapling up tummies, suturing up intestines, and being a "surgical assistant" on a large variety of cases. It is so rewarding for him. His favorite part is working with the babies and children. I cant help but feel his excitement too when he talks about doing surgeries on one day old babies and about a little toddler girl who was wheeled in carrying her Elmo doll that they bandaged up just like her. He really loves it. Stew likes school and is a great student but the real thing is a million times more fun and rewarding! Right now Stewart is practicing suturing a banana together. :O) Pictured left is my dad with his mom when he graduated from med school

In some ways I feel like we are playing pretend. He basically is living the life of a doctor minus the real pressure and the real pay and therefore I am playing along as the doctor's little wife. What has struck me is how it takes me back to my childhood. Stewart smells like my dad, sterile, too clean, just like a hospital. He is now getting medical journals in the mail and when the kids go down I find Stew sitting down reading about "Botulinum Toxins". Everything keeps taking me back to little moments of my childhood. Like sorting the mail as a kid and seeing all sort of magazines with deformed feet and weird rashes pictured on the cover and how my dad would read it all for hours. You see, last night I came to bed later then Stew. He was tired and I wanted to finish what I was doing. When I finally got there he was sitting in bed reading his scriptures and medical journal. I brushed my teeth and plopped down next to him. As I cuddled up to him I took in a deep breath and smelled... the HOSPITAL. I sort of freaked out - it was too much like my childhood. That was how it was with my dad. He'd be reading in bed at night and I'd jump up on his bed and cuddle next to him and count all the moles on his arm while I could smell his smell... hosipitalness. I realized in one moment that I might be signing up for more of my previous life then I thought I would be. I am not sure if anyone will appreciate that besides my own siblings and parents but I found it startling. My husband will smell like my dad forever, he will work doctor's hours just like my dad, I will want to stay up and quilt (craft whatever) while I watch old movies and he will read his scriptures and medical journals just like my mom and dad would. Stewart seemed to read my mind and said, "Looks like we are turning into your mom and dad already." That threw me over the edge. I informed Stewart that maybe he should not be a doctor, maybe he could join CES like his dad or just be a research scientist, anything else but a doctor.

I don't know what I envisioned for our future but somehow this wasn't it. It was not that I really didn't want to be like my parents as it was too clearly laid out, too familiar to be exciting, not my own, basically it was not my future at all... it was my past! I have seen the panoramic picture of my parents lives and it was/is a hard life. Happy and full of wonderful things, but hard. I wanted to just think about surviving the med school years and my ideas of the future are vague dreams filled with finally having money and going to kid's soccer games. I hadn't really thought about the reality of it all and it was weird. Pictured left is my dad dressed in his surgical wear. They pauses to take pictures with their first little new born before my dad headed off to work.

Stewart could only laugh at me. He informed me that we had a long way to go before he was a doctor and that we had lots of years of studenthood ahead to soften the "blow" of being a doctor. Trying to calm myself I told him I could live with him smelling like my dad and a hospital but the reading in bed forever had to go! He conceded. :O) He reminded me that being a doctor had been more glamorous when my dad was a newish doctor. He promised to take me on fun medical meetings with him to wonderfully new places like Thailand just like my parents did when they were younger. Bless his heart, he soothed my fears and somehow conveyed to me that we would do it our way, whatever that was. It would at least be interesting and fun even if some parts were very familiar. My parents with , I think, baby number four or five. Todd or Jason ?

I realized that while in someways we will be like my parents - which is a really good thing, in other ways, in some ways I need, we will be different. I guess I realized I am not quite ready to be a doctor's wife, but I am glad we are both being schooled now and prepared to someday be what we deep down really want to be. Us, with a few dashes of my mom and dad. :)

Angels Came to Reno

I have decided that Heavenly Father sends most of our blessings through our family members.
This week we were to be living it up before Stew had to reenter the world of med school. We had tons of plans but most of them died with me being sick the entire time. While we simply enjoyed being together Heavenly Father sent some angels our way. Aunt MaryAnne, Thomas, and Mary Anne's sister Lisa. They spent time with us while they traveled to and from California. And not only did they bring their delightful selves to spend the night they also brought a car full of toys for the kids. It was better then Christmas! MaryAnne is always so good to us. Thank You MaryAnne, Thomas, and Lisa!!!!! :O)

They took us out to dinner and even let Stew order steak!!! He was in Heaven.

They brought Bridger a cool Spiderman hat and both the kids sunglasses. Very cute! And His Batman Jammies are from the last batch of gifts she gave us! We are so spoiled!

They heard me talk about wanting to get Angeli a purse on their first night with us and so when they came back through they gave one to Angeli that they bought for her!!! She has been carrying it around since. She is too cute with it!!! She really is such a girly girl.

Bridger had his first slumber party!!! He was Thomas' shadow. Whatever Thomas did Bridger did. On normal nights brushing his teeth is a World War II reenactment but not when Thomas is doing it too! It was so fun for Bridger to have a big brother for a night. Thomas, the kids miss you already!

Thanks for being the highlight of our week off. You pampered us and made us feel so loved. We love you and are so excited to see more of you all this summer!

Pinewood Derby

Tonight was our Ward's Pinewood Derby. I am sure I attended my brother's at some point of my life but I really have no memories of them so in many ways this felt like my first time doing the pinewood derby thing. Stew and I made our family's little car. It certainly didn't win any speed races, or any special points for looks but it sure won Bridger's heart. When it was time to put it on the track he bawled and bawled. Our poor guy thought he'd never get it back. After one official race we had to withdraw from the competition because it was too traumatic for Bridger. He then carried it around the rest of the night and showed it off to everyone that would let him. His favorite thing was that there were little pictures of our whole family...yup, we did our van with all of us in it. Bridger would walk up to one of the young men and point out to him that there was mommy, daddy, him self, and baby!!!! I mean that really is something else!!! :O) After the races we got to let Bridger race his car all by himself and he had a ball. He is sleeping with it right now. I think it might be the favorite toy for the next little bit. We had fun making some new memories and I am excited for all the years we have ahead with Bridger being able to get even more into the great fun that is pinewood derby.

Bridger showing the camera his Hot ride!

Here it is after running it's races. There you see Mommy and Bridger. I know, my painting ability is breathtaking. LOL

And there is Angi and Daddy.

My Cute family! If only I could get them to all look at the camera. :O)

One Down, Three To Go!

My wonderful husband has officially completed his first year of Medical School! We are so grateful that this year has gone so well for him. He has loved it and I am so proud of all his hard work. He has done really well. He is "pretty confident" that he was able to get his straight "A"'s and honors this semester! :) Yep, that'd be my funny school-perfectionist hubby! It has gone so fast I can't believe we are already done with this school year. This summer he will be doing a preceptorship where he follows a doctor around 24/7 for 4 weeks. He is excited about it because the doctor he is shadowing is a general surgeon, a pediatric surgeon, AND a trauma surgeon! He is sure to get a lot of experience and get a really good idea about what type of surgery he would like to go into or not go into.

To celebrate we went out to dinner, then the park, and then we hit up the Med School Party. We had a great time and the kids loved all the the attention they got at the party - well, Bridger did. Angi is a bit shy. :O) We are so excited for this next week we have to play before his perceptorship. After his perceptorship we'll have a whole summer to vacation!!! I have been looking forward to ALL of this for months!!!

We are so glad that we are on the road together as a family to achieving Stew's dream to become a doctor. There have been and I am sure there will continue to be many sacrifices but so many miracles have been placed in our path we feel completely blessed and excited about all that our future entails. I know Stewart will be a fantastic doctor! Stew, you're doing an amazing job at being my husband, a daddy to our little kiddos, and a full time student. I absolutely love and adore you! Congrats on now being MS II!!!

Stewart and his Fan Club. I am part of it too but we neglected to take one of us together. :(

Greatness Required

I was a perfectionist. I didn't want to be good at things, I wanted to be GREAT! I knew I wasn't really built with the stuff for overall greatness but I was a hard worker and by golly I was going to be great no matter how hard it was!!! Well, I fought the good fight and then I was pooped. I was nowhere near great and I was making myself miserable. So I had to decide something very hard; Happiness or the dream of being GREAT. I chose happiness. I was going to be standard but at least happy....Well, in time that failed too. The problem was I couldn't embrace standard or even just good. I am Mormon, after all. I don't want to be Telestial or Terrestrial. No, I want to be CELESTIAL! The highest kingdom and the highest level! I have been taught that I can achieve that and I must want that. And I'll tell you, I really do want that.

So how did I settle the score between striving for necessary greatness and being sane and happy? It was priorities. I concluded that there are some things worth striving for greatness in and others, not so much. I think in many ways it is different person to person and depending on what stage of life you are in. I think there are seasons to work on some things and seasons to work on others and I am so very grateful for that.

My current dilemma is that I am in the season of young motherhood. Today I am squabbling with myself over priorities. I need to be a great mom. I want that more then anything else in the world. It is the first thing I pray for in every prayer. This drive for greatness isn't that of a perfectionist, no, it is of a mother who realizes the enormity of her call. The thing is, I feel overwhelmed. I am not sure where to start - what are the priorities of a really great mom? I find it so incredibly daunting. Motherhood is complicated and I wish I could just pinpoint what I need to do to be a great mom. Is it simply like love? Is it the play groups, story time together while the house is quite, vacations with adventures, cooking their favorite cookies just because or is it different for each of us? If so, then what mother do I need to be for my kids? What do I need to do to be the mother Heavenly Father envisions me? I am not sure. I wish I had a clearer vision, do you? Today I find motherhood humbling, it requires of me greatness and I am faced with the same old realization of teenhood - I am not great. I am human and I know there will be things that I am bound to do wrong.

My dear blogging friends, when Motherhood bares down on you where do you set your gaze? How do you strive for the greatness that is required?


I think my own mother would say to me, "Emily, try your best day by day. Pray a lot and the Lord makes it enough." What would your mother tell you?

A Hard Day and How it was Saved

The other day was a hard day. I was so sick but I had some urgent errands that had to be run and my poor kids had been stuck in the house with me for so many days that I knew they needed to get out of the house too. I guess it was the fact that we'd been in our own little world for so long and that I was so sick that made it so I had a hard time dealing with people's reactions to me and my kids. I will be the first to admit that Bridger can be very hyperactive; offices and libraries were not constructed with two year old boys in mind!!! At least not hyperactive ones! I felt like we were the circus coming through town.

It seems that people don't keep much to themselves. They would talk about us as if we weren't able to hear them, "Hey look at that little boy. He's sure got a mind of his own." and "Look he's on a leash. How sad!" The worst is that people will stare at me and see that I need help and will not go out of their way to help me but rather to let me know, "Well, you've got your hands full don't you." and "Wow, they are close in age! You're sure brave." I heard that so many times I wanted to scream. Why do they say that? Do they actually mean well? What it really translates to is, "I am so glad I am not you. You have more then you can handle. You are dumb and crazy to have kids so close." I think its just rude! Usually I am able to answer their comments by saying something about how much I love my kids and then do something that shows just how much I do enjoy my kids no matter how crazy they are, but I was sick and really not enjoying them very much so no such answer came. I just gave a weak smile and then ran after Bridger and Angeli getting into their latest escapade.

This one is so rude it really blows my mind. It happens all the time. They say this to me even when Stewart isn't there, just like this hard day. "Your kids are beautiful. Their Dad must be very handsome." and "Wow, they have such beautiful blue eyes. Their Dad must have beautiful blue eyes." Now, it's not so much that they are saying I am ugly and my eyes are not pretty enough to have given my kids their blue eyes that bugs me, its that they think they are very kind. They think they are just complimenting my children and not implying that I am a terrible genetic provider. They are delighted with themselves and wait for me to be flattered by their nice compliment. I'll I say is "Yes, their Father is very handsome and has very beautiful blue eyes." People, I think you mean well but come on!

However, there were a few people that did exactly what I needed after all the scoffers and rude comments. They saved the day. They loved my kids and helped me! Novel, I know, but they did it just right and it saved me from having a melt down. One such encounter happened at the library. We were leaving the library and our overflowing HEAVY bag of books kept setting off the alarm and Bridger was running around crazy. I was exasperated and people were looking at me annoyed that I was holding up the exit. Then the only nice person in the entire library came to my rescue. He took the huge bag for me, rescanned the books and then helped me get out the door. Then he said with a big happy grin "Have a good day." It was all I needed. I loved that kind man!

Then later that evening I realized we had no food, that I was too sick to cook dinner, and that Stew was staying late at school studying for finals. I decided we needed fast food. I was in tears because I was so sick and not sure I could make it to our local McDonald's without throwing up. However, they needed food so I had to suck it up and go. I wanted the kids to be able to play and eat there so they could have a little bit of fun out of the house so I decided we were going in. Once we got there some magical things happened. No one was there but us. One of the workers got the door for me and he smiled at my kids. Bridger fell in love with him. He let Bridger help him wipe down tables and sweep. The workers told me how beautiful my kids were without saying anything about my husband and even told me my son's eyes were like mine. They smiled and talked to Bridger and Angeli. Then this kind man came in and gave Bridger some money to put in their money thingy. It spins the coins around and around delighting my son like no other.

I left feeling rejuvenated. Bless those people that saw the beauty in my kids and treated me with dignity and kindness. They will never know how much I needed that. They saved the day.