I was a perfectionist. I didn't want to be good at things, I wanted to be GREAT! I knew I wasn't really built with the stuff for overall greatness but I was a hard worker and by golly I was going to be great no matter how hard it was!!! Well, I fought the good fight and then I was pooped. I was nowhere near great and I was making myself miserable. So I had to decide something very hard; Happiness or the dream of being GREAT. I chose happiness. I was going to be standard but at least happy....Well, in time that failed too. The problem was I couldn't embrace standard or even just good. I am Mormon, after all. I don't want to be Telestial or Terrestrial. No, I want to be CELESTIAL! The highest kingdom and the highest level! I have been taught that I can achieve that and I must want that. And I'll tell you, I really do want that.
So how did I settle the score between striving for necessary greatness and being sane and happy? It was priorities. I concluded that there are some things worth striving for greatness in and others, not so much. I think in many ways it is different person to person and depending on what stage of life you are in. I think there are seasons to work on some things and seasons to work on others and I am so very grateful for that.
My current dilemma is that I am in the season of young motherhood. Today I am squabbling with myself over priorities. I need to be a great mom. I want that more then anything else in the world. It is the first thing I pray for in every prayer. This drive for greatness isn't that of a perfectionist, no, it is of a mother who realizes the enormity of her call. The thing is, I feel overwhelmed. I am not sure where to start - what are the priorities of a really great mom? I find it so incredibly daunting. Motherhood is complicated and I wish I could just pinpoint what I need to do to be a great mom. Is it simply like love? Is it the play groups, story time together while the house is quite, vacations with adventures, cooking their favorite cookies just because or is it different for each of us? If so, then what mother do I need to be for my kids? What do I need to do to be the mother Heavenly Father envisions me? I am not sure. I wish I had a clearer vision, do you? Today I find motherhood humbling, it requires of me greatness and I am faced with the same old realization of teenhood - I am not great. I am human and I know there will be things that I am bound to do wrong.
My dear blogging friends, when Motherhood bares down on you where do you set your gaze? How do you strive for the greatness that is required?
I think my own mother would say to me, "Emily, try your best day by day. Pray a lot and the Lord makes it enough." What would your mother tell you?
2020 goals
6 years ago
6 comments:
Em-you're the perfect mother for your "perfect" kids. Really that's all I can say today, because I totally understand where you're coming from. Ellie has been fussy fussy, and Grace has been out of control these past couple of days and I have negative energy to keep up with them! =) All I know is that I have to think in increments (sp?). I think of the day in three parts and focus on the particular part I'm in. Like now, I'm in the (preparing for dinner and cleaning up a bit before the girls wake up) when they wake up then I focus on them time, then it's dinner time, and bedtime. I just really try not to get overwhelmed because when I do, satan has this great tool of guilt and when I get overwhelmed I can't do one thing, let alone a million and one things!
First of all, you can tell that you are a very thoughtful person, which means an awful lot when it comes to mothering. I feel like you only have so much time and energy for a day, so you need to pick those things that are most important to you to do. No one can do it "all". Some periods of my mothering, we've had really nice, homemade dinners. Other times we've had hot dogs or pancakes. Sometimes, I've had lots of time to spend playing and reading with each of my kids. Other times I've had just a few minutes each day. Every stage and time of your life, you can devote only so much attention to each part. I feel like doing the basics of family prayer, scripture study, feeding everyone, keeping the messes somewhat contained, and reading/playing with your kids every day are the basics. Oh, and don't forget the time to refill your own bucket. If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. You'll do a great job, just one step at a time.
Emiy, I totally agree with what has been said! Great advice! Being a mother is hard work, and I get overwhelmed about it sometimes too. I do know that God knows the intents of our hearts. He understands when you are pregnant or just had a baby and can only do so much. Take a deep breathe and rely on the Lord. He will help you know your doing a good job and direct you in the right direction. Your children where God's children first...He knows. You are doing great!!! Thanks for making me think about Motherhood.. you are inspireing!!
Emily you are so cute. What does that scripture say, "Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God" You are deffinitely pure in heart! But, as I was reading your blog a conference talk came to mind it is called, Daughters of God, and it was by Elder M. Russell Ballard, READ IT! You will feel better, I PROMISE! I was like you, I felt discouraged like I wasn't a good mom, and then for Family Night we watched this talk again, and I swear I didn't hear it when we watched conference the first time, so I was glad that we had all the conference talks recorded and got to hear it again. Anyway, I am going to try and post the link to the talk, I hope it works ;)
http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-851-37,00.html
just copy and paste it into your address bar. Let me know what you think!
Emily- First you are doing wonderful for being pregnant and have two little children. Making sure they are dressed everyday and you getting rest is probably the most important thing in the world right now!!!! ;)
I am finding that being a good mother requires balance and moderation in all things. I have found that when I devote too much time to ONE thing, or too much time to the little details it doesn't work like I want it too. I am stressed the kids don't need a big hurrah for everything, etc. I have a long way to go, but I am finding that the word balance has been coming up over and over again. It wouldn't be a great cookie if it had all flour or all sugar or only chocolate chips. I think it is better with a little bit of it all. I am grateful that Heavenly Father is there helping remind us what are the important things for the day and which "ingredient" is most important for that day or time period. I know the gospel comes first and I have found if I have taken time to read my scriptures in the morning before the day starts, there is some miracle that happens EVERY time...my kids are happier, I get twice as much done and the days seems so much better. I think we all need to find the balance between finding joy in what makes us happy in being a mom and making sure our cup is filled AND those things that are important for making our kids happy, loved no matter what and headstrong in the gospel. Sorry for the novel...I don't know if it made sense at all.
Oh Emily, I feel guilty all the time that I'm just not doing a good job at being a mother. I look at all the tthings I wish I did or that I don't do and it just kills me. But really, what matters is that you love your kids (which you do) and that they know it (which they do). Whether you sew their clothes, or scrapbook their belly button lint, or read to them for a half hour every day isn't that important. Read Elder Ballard's talk--its the best. And remember what he said about how you find joy in the moments--not all the time.
And my mother would tell me that when she got married she only knew how to cook chili dogs and she couldn't paint or sew. She'd tell me to stop judging myself and that taking care of babies takes a lot of energy and time. And then she'd tell me to stop crying (because I do that too much).
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