To my Bridger

Dear Bridger,

It has been such a delight to be your mommy. I have always had this sense that you were my buddy, my close friend and it has been such a fun joy to get to have you as my son. I am thrilled I get to keep you forever. You are sooooo full of life. You are smart and wise. You are genuine and aware of others and all the life that is going on around you. You are so passionate about everything! and you LOVE having FUN and being with people. You love people! Parties are your all time favorite thing ever! The planning, the decorating, the games, the people, the food,.... you love it! You emanate all the goodness in your heart constantly. I can just imagine you on your mission and I know you will be a force to be had. There is no hiding anything with you. If Bridger is happy then we are all aware and you are on a mission to make us just has happy as you...and you are so good at doing just that. And then when you are sad or angry there is no restraint we know as we all get to feel it too. You are quick to apologize, you are quick to forgive, you are so sincere and put your heart into everything you do. You are such a happy boy. All your teachers love you. You are obedient and hardworking and joyful. So joyful. Your approach to life is the same as it always has been...you never learned to walk you learned to run and boy! how you love it all!

You are hard worker. when you set your mind to something watch out, because you are going to do it. I still remember how one day you decided to clean the house for me. You did, you really did. you cleaned your room you cleaned the living room and the dinning room. Just out of nowhere. You just set your mind to it. Everything was done vacuuming and all. I was so impressed.

You are creative. This had got to be one of your strongest traits. You rearrange your room on a weekly basis. You narrate and draw 15 page long books, you invent games, you assemble meals for the entire family, and you dream BIG about all the possibilities.

You are thoughtful. You love expressing your love for others. You make cards for all of us all the time. Just the other day you and I were talking. I couldn't hear you very well so I squatted down to your level and as I listened to you talk I was looking into your. You stopped mid-sentence and said, "Mom, you are so beautiful. Your eyes are sooooooo beautiful." and as you danced off to the next room you added..."its like I can see myself in them." HA! I loved that. I think you meant you saw your reflection in them but it was funny the double meaning in them because you really do have my eyes. It was over a week ago and its still warming my heart. It was so classic Bridger...the most heartfelt sincere impromptu sweetness with a little silly laughing flair to it. I just adore your twist on life!

You hate sitting through your homework....so much so that I have given up trying to do your reading books with you...you will not read for me. This has caused me some worry.... your teacher kept showing me your 100% exams but I didn't believe her....I know she likes you so much I thought she is making it so easy she doesn't really know.... Then this Monday I sat you down and said I would read the books to you and you only had to say the words in the stories that were from your spelling list. and then out of nowhere you read the book to me. The entire thing! I asked you where you'd learned to read and you said, "I learn a lot at school." said with a very sneaky smile on your face. You got lots of teasing for that one! Then the next day I ask you to read it oh, the tantrum you threw...it was too hard and you "never." will read it. You are so smart but hate focusing on anything other then what is most interesting to you...We have lots of entertaining homework nights ahead of us! ;)

I think if there was a theme song for you it'd be the sunbeam song...you are like star shinning brightly, shinning for the whole world to see..... you shine Bridger and with so much heart you would shine for the whole world to see.

I love you and how happy and vibrant you are. I'm guessing that you were one of my best friends in the preexistence and I think it is such a PaRtY that we get to hang out together our entire lives and on into eternity!

I love you and your giant heart!

With all my love and Smiles,
Your Mommy

Bowling for FHE

We took the kids bowling for Family Home Evening this week. It was their first time bowling. They loved it. We did two games and the girls won! I won the first game and Angeli won the second game. Girl power! ....or girl luck! LOL Later that week Stew took the kids to do their black light mini golf and the kids liked that even more but I didn't go because I thought it'd be better to stay home with the baby - thus no pictures of that. :) Pictures or not, family fun is fabulous!

Live the Life Results: Week 8

Ok so this week wasn't as good as I hoped because of all the birthday throwing a celebrating and I know the next two weeks will be a lot of the same with all my kids having birthday in January. But I did well considering....

I am not sure why but I gained around my waist and hips...weird. I am guessing not doing any strength training? Not sure.

But I lost 1.8 lbs.

This week I want to get back to my week 5/6 measurements and weight. I will really need to not fudge at all to do that. I hope I can make it happen!!!! so I need to lose 2 lbs. and 2 1/2 inches around my waist and 1 inch from my hips. Might be a bit lofty but it will be a fun challenge to try for! I have 26 days till I am at my anniversary....It'd be nice to be able to wear my nice "date" outfit when we go out! :O)

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, BLAST OFF!

This year my kids got or are getting big birthday parties! And Bridger decided he wanted an outer space theme this year and so I took it and ran with it. I had so much fun coming up with ideas and seeing it all come together. I admit it was over the top but it was fun...I decided 6 is the golden birthday party age. (although that is only as high as I have ever gotten! So who knows maybe eight is the best year.) They are old enough to play more involved games and other fun stuff but still young enough to delight in the cheesy stuff and the traditional things...like when I announced present time they all cheered.) Loved it. Everything went perfectly. It took an entire week to pull off doing all my DIY projects (spray painting rocks, cutting out aliens, cake decorating, cake decorating, cake decorating, shopping and shopping, candy making, and banner making,....) but when the party day came everything went off absolutely perfectly. I felt blessed it went so well. Bridger loved it all and the kids that came were all like, "Wow I feel like I am in outer space!" That made me feel good that it was a little magical for them. Enjoy the pictures! :O)
Each kid got to design their own planet. This was cool. They got to put on their own rings, glow in the dark paint, sparkle spray paint, the works.....it was fun. And as a side note it was so warm! We were all sweating out there! I was worried it'd be too cold! Haha! weirdest winter ever!
After the planet making they got their astronaut party bags and went hunting for Aliens and moon rocks that hit our back yard during a recent meter shower! ;O) The winners got candy bars. :O)
The next game was rocket blasting. They got to help build their rockets and then we had a competition to see who could launch them the highest. The top four winners got candy bars. We thought this one was really fun. I recommend this little project to do at home...its fun.

To my Benjamin

Dear Ben,
You are such a grown up boy! I cant believe you are already 3! I wonder how time has gone so fast. You are going to preschool and learning so many new things. I often feel very lucky that I get to be your mommy. You are so sweet. So sweet. Out of nowhere you come up to me and look me in the eyes and say mommy I want to give you a kiss and you take my face in your small hands and give me a sweet little kiss right on my cheek. It warms my heart. I love when you get really excited; you dance around striking super hero poses and smiling from ear to ear. You are so tough but when your heart breaks you just melt and have to have a good cry.....even if mom is in the middle of shopping at the store we all need to stop what we are doing and hold Mr. Ben until he is ready to move on with the day.

You hardly ever do anything naughty...in fact I cant even think of the last time you did. You are just a good boy. You just don't have any desire to be naughty. If you do do something naughty its probably stealing candy out of the cupboard. You LOVE candy. The quickest way to get you to cry is to tell you that you have to wait until after dinner to eat your candy. And the quickest way to get you to grin is by telling you I bought some candy. (they usually happen in conjunction....but I've been learning to keep candy a secret until the right time.) This past week I told you I bought some candy and you were so excited you exclaimed, "You got me candy?" You got me candy! yipppppppppy!! Bridge, Ang! Mom got CANDY!!!!!!" said as you ran back to the computer to tell them the most fabulous news ever. It makes me laugh. And while you are not naughty, you sure hate chores and working hard. You have a way of getting out of most chores....you sort of whine that you are too tired and slink off to some corner while Angeli and Bridger are working their fingers off. And then we are done and you happen to prance back into the room all cheerful and ready to race around like you have too much energy all stored up inside you. :O) But don't you fret little boy, your daddy and I are on to you and we will train you how to work....just wait and see. :O)

You laugh quickly. You love tickle time and wrestling, you love jumping on the trampoline and are the best at it by far. You are such a cute cuddlier. You love when I pick you up and plop you on my lap and we watch a movie together or talk. I love the way you talk. You have your own little inflections and accent that is just so optimistic and sincere. Just one little conversation with you can turn a bad day into a good one for me. I love when you fall asleep in my arms and I can just look down at my sweet boy and marvel at your goodness and the honor it is you have you as my son. I love how you stumble out of your room in the mornings and your hair is all crazy and I greet you with my classic morning cheer and you stare at me not sure if you are really ready to be standing quite yet. I scoop you up and give you lots of hugs and a kiss and you are like a little rag doll flopping around until you realize you are starving and then commence to eat your weight in food. :O)

I love how sure you are of yourself. You may at times feel shy with strangers but in general you aren't afraid of new things and when I tell you how good you are doing you are so humble. You always respond with some sort of "really? Ok cool!" sort of comment and are just glad its so fun. You are submissive, kind, forgiving, cheerful, grateful, polite, and very sweet.

I think the world of you and am so excited to see what life has in store for you. It's gonna be good!

I love you my angel haired boy!

All my love and tenderness,
Your Mommy

Live the Life Results: Week 7

Well I don't know if I've been living THE life but I have sure been living mine! :O)

On my weigh in day I actually weighed in. It was depressing...I gained 3.8 lbs. dang it! And while I didn't gain any around my hips I gained 2.5 inches around my waist. Super bummer. I wasn't that shocked but it sort of made me angry with myself when I wrote it on my result sheet and realized I had gained enough inches and weight that I was back to my week three results. That was four weeks of hard work washed away from my Christmas break. But I am a make lemonade out of lemons sort of girl and so thankfully I have been letting it motivate me. This week while far from perfect (Bridger's birthday party and a neighborhood party) it has been a lot better so far. I will weigh in on Thursday and I hope to have made serious progress back to where I was a month ago...I hope the weight and inches were "fluffy" weight as my sister calls them and will melt off. Time will tell but I am not too emotional about it at this point. I've realized this diet is more then a diet it really brings balance to my life. To not have to worry about what I will eat and when and what effect it will have on my weight and health is such a gift. I am so busy these days that I know I would be eating really unhealthy....making fast meals we can all eat quickly. This plan really works for me. I am happier doing it then not and so I will keep at it and if I loose a bunch of weight awesome and if not that will be a bummer but at least I will know I am healthy. So that is where I am at with it. Plus my friend and I are starting to message each other every day to keep ourselves on track with out exercise goals and it has been so fun because I love talking to the girl and so its nice to have an excuse to talk to her more. :O)

I'll report back on Thursday! :O)

To My Someone Extra

I just wanted to write a little post dedicated to my sister Bethany. I am not sure how I got cool enough to be on her call everyday list but somehow I did and we call each other just about everyday. We talk probably on average 1 to 2 hours a day. It's crazy but true. I am so grateful for that girl. I was just thinking how glad I am that on nights like tonight when my husband is on call and I am feeling lonely and not quite ready to go to bed I can call with not much to say other then the fact that my husband is gone and I am lonely and we can talk and talk. She is my personal counselor - seriously. She is always there for me when I am excited, sad, happy, mundane, whatever I am she is there for me. I think that is it, I never have to wonder if she'll care or have time. She cares. She makes time. And its not like the girl is board...nope she's got 5 kids of her own. And that fact that she cares about me still impresses me. I mean we are 8 1/2 year apart. I was a little girl watching her as a teenager and going off to college. I still geek-out that any and all of my sisters like talking to me and relate to me when they are so much my senior and so much cooler then me but they do! And it really means a lot to me.

When I went off to collage she was the one then too. I was dealing with so many trails and she was there for me like no ones else was. She held my hand through my dating and getting married as such a young little girl. She walked me through being pregnant and having my own baby for the first time. She lived just down the street and Stewart worked and went to school all day...I mean Stewart and I saw each other an average of 40 minuets a day but I was cool because I could walk three houses down and be at her house and help her get dinner, do dishes, and clean up while she put her kids to bed. Then she moved but we never stopped talking just like she lived down the street. I am so grateful for her constant friendship. I am grateful for her counsel. For her example.

I don't love her anymore then anyone else in my family and close friend circle but she is a major part of my life. And you know what the best part is? Its that I will be moving just two hours away from her. I will get to actually be apart of her life. When her babies have a birthday, when she needs someone to watch her kids for a romantic weekend, when her kids get baptized I can be there. I am so excited to be able to be an aunt! I only get that chance here and there and now I will actually get to make a difference in their lives. I have such grand ideas of cousin parties, game nights, holidays, summer trips,....It will be great to be an auntie. :O)

So to Bethany I am so glad you are my sister, my friend, and I am so grateful you answer the phone when I call and and tell me all about how your life is going. I love it. I love you.

someone to answer to.

okay so i have been terrible at doing my live the life so i need someone to be accountable to so that would be you, my blog. everyday until i have detoxed from sugar and have enough motivation to do it by myself i will post a review of my day. and blogging from my phone is super lame. sorry for all the typos and stuff i cant figure out how to move the curser.

Wednesday: awful for diet and Exercise. Angeli had therapy and then a procedure at the surgical clinic so by the time I got home from that it was dinner time I hadn't eat all day the kids were falling apart from being at the babysitters all day and so I made cream of potato soup, rolls, and then we watched a movie and eat my yummy homemade caramel popcorn.

Thursday: Thursday I slept in missed my exercise window of time which made me grumpy, and then I totally ate dessert after dinner

Friday: better day. Did my diet really well except I did try the homemade biscuits I made since I have never made them before and I wanted to see how they tasted (they were good) but I did 60 minutes of cardio. I am bummed no strength training got done.

Saturday: So far so good. I did try the muffins I made for the kids for breakfast this morning since it was new recipe...they were okay. I did my 40 minutes of cardio, I did light strength training, we are taking the dogs to the marina to walk around and let the kids play since the winter this year is more like a Southern Cali winter then anything else its seriously ridiculous how warm it is...I am about to plan a BBQ its so warm.

I will try and enter in every day how I am doing. Wednesday is my weigh in day. I really hate weigh myself. besides how much I hate it I am nervous since I am sure I gained quite a bit of weight over Christmas and its not like I have had a really great week so far. I can feel it. My clothes are tighter and that losing weight feeling is long gone. If I have gained a lot I know it will discourage me. But I am an expert self pep-talker. :) I hope I keep up a progressive curve....I think my goal to be at my wedding day weight at our anniversary is not possible at this point but my "feel pretty" goal is still very much a possibility so I am shooting for that for sure.

Well, hello 2012!

Wow, this year went fast for me. The year after I've had a baby is always sort of a blur because so much is going on and everything is so full of growing and changing. I cant believe my baby is almost 1! but that is a post for another day! This past year was a great year for us filled with highs and lows and lots of fun and tears and so many wonderful memories. We couldn't be more excited about 2012! We are excited and looking forward to moving although the sting of sadness that I will have to leave all my friends is growing and growing all the time. This entire season I keep thinking that next year we wont be here anymore. Next year when we set up our Christmas tree it will be in another house, next time we celebrate new years it will be in another state without our good friends...its sad and exciting at the same time.

I just filled in my calendar for the next two months, man it is going to be busy! three birthday parties, a tea party I'm throwing, our anniversary, lots of appointments, throwing baby showers, young women's activities and lessons, Stewart's vacation, Stewart's step 3 boards exam, Angeli's dental surgery thingy, and so on and so forth. Busy or not I have a good feeling about this year. I think it will be a good one for us. This year we are making lots of fun goals and here they are:

- We plan on reading the Book of Mormon everyday as a family and when we finish we are going to take the kids to Disneyland for a week long extravaganza! We are keeping it simple and just reading a page a day so it should take us about 18 months which should be good timing for us - not to mention it will probably take us that long to save up for it! LOL. We ordered a new book of Mormon for everyone and made a scripture box filled with crayons, scripture coloring books, our books of Mormon, and our cute little chart to track our page by page progress. We've been doing it this week and so far so good!

- Training our dogs! Oh, boy they are cute but they are sure annoying sometimes too! I don't what it is but this week they have been pooping in the house like crazy and so today I am keeping them outside all day or in their kennel. I have had it with their nasty tiny little poops! So help me if they aren't trained by next year so they can obey and poop outside I will never own a dog again! Okay, this was a bit strong but I just found their second poop in the house and it 9:30 am and I already took them out to go this morning! How much poop do they have to poop anyways?!?! :O)

-Like always our goal is to attend the temple at least once a month...our stake wants us to go once a week but that is not a possibility.I think once a month is good with the Lord for us right now.

- Like always Stewart wants to write in his journal daily

- Keep up our weekly FHE, weekly movie night, and weekly game night...those have been a lot for us as a family this year.

-Like always, Get my body where I'd like it. I am happy to report I have lost all my baby weight and am under my weight I was when I got pregnant but I wasn't really in a great place when I got pregnant so I am now going to pick up where I left off before I had the baby and try to get back to my favorite weight. My goal which might not be possible is to be at my wedding day weight on our anniversary. I've got ten pounds to go and 44 days to do it. If my math is correct I need to lose 1.5 lbs a week. not too bad so I hope I can pull it off...the past 2 weeks have been awful for my "live the life" so I hope I can get back on track!

- DATES! Stewart and I need to make dating a priority. I want to go on one date a month. I need a break from the kids and he needs a chance to have some fun so I hope we can make it happen. It is a big ordeal to accomplish that but I know it will be worth it. Residency and the daily grind has taken a toll and we need time to rejuvenate from all of it.

- Sell our house! It will be such a relief financially to sell our house. It will be sad to say goodbye but nice too. I will be so grateful to pass that road block once and for all!

-Move to Tucson. The worry and hopes of finding the right rental home and schools, and neighborhood, and ward is a bit much. We really will be moving once again to place where we really have no friends and no family and no references to help us and that is over whelming. We aren't the moving type (we tend to set in roots and stay) and so I really want to find a home that will at least be good for us for a couple years. Its weird to think that when we leave Tucson We'll have a 10 year old, an 9 year old, 7 year old and a 5 year old. I know the Lord will help us but I will be so grateful when its found and we are moved in. I have a wish list that isn't too long but is really important to me: square footage...big bedrooms (I believe in kids sharing rooms and we have a lot of kids), a pool (its hot there!), and good schools....and if possible a little space for my craft stuff. :O) On Stewart's budget he set for the house that will be a long shot...we'll see!

- budget...get a savings account going: we need to save up for new cars, bigger furniture (our table is too small for our family, the kids need real beds, no more toddler beds since that is all they have right now, and I want them to have a desk to do their homework on), I want to buy some food storage in the form of freeze dried meals (Glenn Beck advertising for this company and their food is good and affordable) and we need an emergency fund.

- and I hope to get pregnant with number five in September.....I know probably too much information but whatever. Its my goal. I hope to have time to gear up this time around instead of being hit with it out of nowhere. I hope we will be established enough by then and I will have had a chance to make friends (I am a really lame friend when I am pregnant so I hope someone learns to like me before I turn into a monster lady) and Stewart and the kids will be settled in and I hope we'll be ready for it. Pregnancy is such a trial in many ways so I want a heads up if possible. I think it will be our last and so I want to make the most of it. I hope we're blessed with things going smoothly but life sometimes throws curve-balls so we'll see.

- Get Bridger and Angeli squared away with their issues. They have both be diagnosed with stuff and I have been working on getting them help for about 9 months now and things are falling into place and I hope by the time we move they are in a really good place.

-Enroll the kids in more extra curricular activities...I'm of the mind set that in this department often less is really more but I do think they are very important. I have already gotten the kids in soccer camp (ben & Angie) and softball camp (bridger)...if I am fast enough (the registration is a tricky business here in Sparks set your alarm to register them the second the online registration opens up!) I hope to get them in swimming so they are ready if we are lucky enough to get a house with a pool.

- get the kids settled and thriving in school. Bridger will start first grade and Angeli will start kindergarten. I worry a lot about school since school was such a hard thing for me most of my life...I want my kids to be successful and happy in their schooling.

- And before we move we want to: take the kids sledding, go to the drive in movie at least once, spend time in Tahoe and drink up the mountain air, visit family in Utah, visit the kids museum in Reno as much as possible, and have lots of play dates with our friends.

Us on Our Merry Christmas!

Stewart Had Christmas off! That is a miracle as a little first year resident! Lucky for us no one here is really christian (they are mostly Hindu) and no one really has kids so when he requested it off he got it! Awesome! We have pink eye going around so poor Ben wasn't feeling a 100% but it was still great. Christmas Eve was really nice. I did our party buffet we do every year and we invited our good friends the Valentines over. It was great. For dessert we did sugar cookie gingerbread houses. Then we acted out the nativity and sang and stuff. It was lovely. Then Stew and I wrapped....

The kids slept in till 7 which was nice. Santa really spoiled them this year. They kids got a complete Wii system....a Wii, a Wii fit, guitar hero with two guitars, all the numb chucks, wheels, and controllers we need and eleven fun games. We bought it on Craigslist and we got it for a steal of a deal. Plus a bunch of other fun things they wanted. I am excited to try the snow boarding on the Wii fit board thingy. Stewart loves games and he is going to LOVE having the Wii. I am a bit retarded at it but its good because it makes the kids feel good to watch their mom loose all the time too. :O) I bought Stewart a bunch of nature movies and I am so excited to watch them with the kids and Stew. We are total nerds like that.

I think my favorite thing was that we got to go to church. It was such a spiritual service. I loved it! Being with my ward family and singing the Christmas hymns was magical. I kept thinking how neat it was that all over the world people were gathered together at their churches singing praise, gratitude, and love to their Savior on the day we celebrate His birth. It felt so lovely. Then I cooked a turkey, but we didn't eat it. I was just too burnt out to cook a big meal for just us when none of us were really hungry so we are going to have our big turkey dinner later this week when we are craving it. Random, but I was tired of cooking. So that was our great Christmas.

My thoughts on residency and emotional processing.

The thing about residency that I don't think people understand unless they have been through it or something similar (I know I didn't really appreciate it) is that sometimes even when the "Dr." is home they aren't really there. They are so tired. So tired. And so stressed. and sort of basically hate going to work everyday with not much to look forward to when their vacations are few and far between. Residency seems to sort of put out a little of their light - their spark as I like to call it. Its just so exhausting - emotionally and physically, so relentless and seems like the end will never come. And I am saying this with only six months in and after new regulations that they cant work them over 80 hours a week.

I remember the advice that doctors gave me as we started medical school it was stuff like, "don't lose your faith." and "you only become a doctor if you feel that is your burden in life." and other warning stuff. So I knew this day would come and in med school we had times like this too, (like him being gone four months out of the year his third and fourth year...that was HARD too) but Stewart was happier then and now it just stinks....he sort of always hated internal medicine and so to be working at the VA right now doing internal medicine is lame...I mean there are days after days where he never sees sunlight. Its not happy for him. and when the man ain't happy, its harder on his women. :O)

I sometimes feel like my friends don't get it. Which makes me feel sad and a little lonely. First of all, I don't have any friends with four kids (well 2 in my ward but we don't hang out much)...I have family with the same situation yes, but I don't have a single relative for hundreds of miles so it only helps so much. I will see my friends and I am in this frazzled state and my kids look a little homeless and when I express how overwhelmed I feel they ask me why and I don't really have much to say other then the circumstances of my life: four kids 5 years and under, half a husband, little money, my kids have special needs, I have two puppies and all of their birthdays are in a two month period not to mention Christmas stuck in there too. I don't really know how to say that without sounding like the most whinny person ever but its the truth. I look at mom's with their 2.5 kids that are all taken care of and their nice mini-vans that have doors that close by themselves (you'd understand my feelings if you have ever tried to close my van doors) and their parents live in the same town as them and other such nice things and I just know they don't get it. Every little thing, like getting my kids who ALL need so much help getting ready in the morning kills me....I mean it takes so much effort to get out the door. When people ask me to swing by I want to curse or cry or something. There's no swinging nowhere! It is a full on marathon to get the car backed out of the drive way. My kids are so close and Bridger has ADHD which is a real challenge. Then Angeli has an anxiety disorder and Ben is the easiest and he is barely even three and then I have a 11 month old with the mobility of a 18 month old. Its a challenge.

I wonder why Stewart and I have never opted for an easy route. Like having our first two kids a year apart. Or like buying this house, or starting two home businesses, or a hundred other things I could point out. Stewart talked to his friend who's life is like ours but the easy version of it the other day and it got me thinking about what would have been simple and easy for us to have done these past years....we could have rented from the couple who were serving a mission and needed someone to live in their house for two years while they served for $400 and their house was a huge four bedroom in a nice part of town , and then when they got back we'd do the next two years of med school in Vegas, lived close to Stewart's parents, have cheap rent, have my family only 4 hours away, Stew wouldn't have had to leave for months on end, and then now he'd be doing internal med in Vegas which is much easier then what he is doing here in Reno...but I guess life isn't about getting through on the easiest road. Shoot we are made of pioneer stock! Why wait for the railroad to be built when you can push a handcart through the snow! ;O)

I am not bitter or angry or depressed. I am just thinking of the life I didn't live. The life that would have aged me less but left me, I'm sure, a little less mature and worn and wise. "This life is a time to prepare to meet God." So I guess I am busy preparing, pulling my heavy handcart toward Zion, toward God even if I have to cross the Rockies or heaven knows what.

Today was filled with joy as are all my days. I marveled at my kids. They with their father are everything to me. They give my life so much joy I cant express what a gift it is. As I sat watching Cars 2 with them, all six of us cuddling on our couch, my cup was running over. but now as I face Monday and a new year and see my husband asleep on the floor in the boys room while the baby is screaming and I cant find her pacifier because the dogs keep chewing them and hiding them I feel challenged as I do everyday.

So that is my life, so much joy and blessings but so much hard work to be done. I know the time will come when I look back at these years and ache wanting to go back and hold my kids again and dream of hearing their feet running back and forth across the floor. I know I will look at the pictures I took today as we got home from church in our Sunday best and wonder if they really were ever that little and cute and wonder if I appreciated it while I had it. So I am trying to soak up the good and brush off the bad. I hope I am doing a good job at it all. I hope we survive it all! :O)

And I like this quote by Jenkins Lloyd Jones which is a little depressing but not when you imagine President Hinckley saying it which he did in one of his talks:

"Anyone who imagines that bliss . . . is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. [The fact is] . . . most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. . . . Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."


And with that good night! :O) processing done.

Some Holiday Recipes we Enjoy

These are some recipes that we have found over the years and made for Christmas parties and as gifts that have been a big success. People seem to love them and we have enjoyed them too.


Eggnog Cookies
(this makes like 10 dozen so half unless you want to give them away as gifts)

Cream:
2 cups butter
2 cups brown sugar
2 cups sugar

Stir in:
4 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
Nutmeg to taste (remember it is strong)
Rum extract to taste (remember it is strong)
Almond extract just a little
Cinnamon to taste

Add:
2 tsp salt
2 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp baking powder
3-4 cups flour

Fold In:
6 cups oats
2 cups coconut flake
2 cups white chocolate chips

Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes.



Andes Mint Cookies

3/4 c. butter
1 1/2 c. brown sugar
2 T. water
2 c. semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 1/2 c. flour
1 1/4 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
Andes Mints (or the peppermint ones for the holidays)
green sprinkles

Melt butter, brown sugar, and water in a saucepan over medium heat until melted and then add the chocolate chips, stirring until completely melted. Cool for 10 minutes. Pour this in a mixing bowl and beat in 2 eggs. Add the flour, baking soda, and salt. Mix together and chill for about 45 minutes. Spoon onto cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes. When cookies come out of oven, place an Andes mint on top of each cookie and allow to melt for a few minutes. Swirl the melted chocolate like icing. I like to sprinkle them with green spinkles so they don't just look like a bird pooped ontop of a cookie. Allow to cool.


Decadent Carmel Cookie Truffle Bars

Truffle topping

1/3 cup whipping cream
3 TB butter
1 TB light corn syrup
1 bag (12 oz) chocolate chips (dark, semi sweet, or milk)

In a 1 quart saucepan, heat cream, butter, and corn syrup toa full boil over med heat. Turn off heat and remove from stove top. Add chocolate chip without stirring, let it stand for 5 min. After 5 minutes, stir slowly with wire whisk until chips are melted and mixxture is smooth and glossy, set aside.

Crust

1 cup flour
1/2 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup chilled butter
1 cup oats
1 cup chopped pecan - finely chopped ( I chop a little extra to sprinkle on top)

In a large bowl stir together flour and sugar, then cut in the chilled butter with pastry blender until the mixture looks like coarse crumbs. Stir in oats and nuts and I add a little dash of salt at this point too. Press into the bottom of an ungreased sheet pan. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes at 350....bake until it is very aromatic and golden brown.

Caramel Layer

1 cup butter (salted)
1 cup light brown sugar
1/4 cup light corn syrup
1//4 tsp salt in unsalted butter
1 can sweetened condensed milk

in a 2 quart saucepan, heat all the ingredients. Over med heat bring the mixture to a boil stirring constantly. Continue boiling for 5 minutes, stirring constantly. ( I test my caramel in cold water to make sure it is firm enough...I often cook it longer then 5 minutes). Once it is done immediately pour over crust, spread evenly. cool slightly about 10 min. and then pour the chocolate over the caramel and spread evenly. I like to sprinkle a light spattering of nuts on top for decoration and so people who are allergic to nuts are aware they are in there. Cool 1 hour at room temperature and then refrigerate at least 2 hours before serving. Then enjoy...it makes a lot and I like to give these away at Christmas time or bring to parties. they are always big crowd pleaser.

Caramel M&M Candy Bars

cookie layers

1 1/2 cups firmly packed brown sugar
1 1/2 butter, softened
1 cup quick cooking oats
1 cup rice crispy cereal
2 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda 1/2 tsp salt

Filling

35 vanillia caramels, unwrapped or homemade caramels (I like to make my own caramel)
1/3 cup milk

Topping
1 14 oz package red and green M & M candies

Heat oven to 350. Spray 13 x 9 inch pan with nonstick spray. In large bowl, combine brown sugar and butter. beat until light and fluffy. Stir in oats and cereal. Add flour, baking soda and slat. mix until blended. Reserve 3 cups of mixture for topping. Press remain mixture in the bottom of sprayed pan. Bake at 350 for 10 minutes.

Meanwhile in small sauce pan combine caramels with milk, cook on low heat until caramels are melted and mixture is smooth, stirring constantly

Remove partially baked base from oven, Sprinkle with 1 cup M&Ms then pour caramel on top being careful not to let the caramle touch the sides of pan.. Then spoon the reserve oat mixture by heaping teasppons over caramel, Sprinkle with remain M&Ms.

Bake for an additional 20 to 24 minutes until center and side are golden brown. cool 1 hour or until completely cooled. cut into bars.


Blueberry Jello salad

INGREDIENTS
1 large box jello (blueberry, strawberry, or whatever you like)
1 regular size can crushed pineapple
1 can blueberry pie filling
8 oz. package cream cheese
1 cup whipping cream
1 tsp. vanilla
2 T. sugar

DIRECTIONS
Pour jello powder into 9x13 baking dish. Add 2 cups hot water onto jello and dissolve. Add pineapple w/ juice and pie filling. Refrigerate until set.

Bring cream cheese to room temperature. Beat cream and sugar and vanilla until it is a nice fluffy whipped cream. then mix in the softened cream cheese. Layer on top of jello. Refrigerate again.

Strawberry Pretzel Dessert

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups crushed pretzels
• 4 1/2 tablespoons white sugar
• 3/4 cup butter, melted
• 1 cup white sugar
• 2 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese
• 1 (8 ounce) container frozen whipped topping, thawed
• 1 (6 ounce) package strawberry flavored gelatin
• 2 cups boiling water
• 1 (16 ounce) package frozen strawberries

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Mix together the pretzels, 4 1/2 tablespoons sugar and melted butter. Press into the bottom of a 9x13 inch pan. Bake for 10 minutes, or until lightly toasted. Set aside to cool completely.
2. In a medium bowl, beat the sugar and cream cheese until smooth. Fold in whipped topping. Spread evenly over the cooled crust. Refrigerate until set, about 30 minutes.
3. In a medium bowl, stir together the gelatin mix and boiling water. Mix in frozen strawberries, and stir until thawed. Pour over cream cheese mixture in pan. Refrigerate until completely chilled, at least 1 hour.
   

Butterscotch Gingerbread cookies
Ingredients

• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger
• 3/4 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup butter or margarine
• 1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar
• 1 large egg
• 1/3 cup light molasses
• 1 (11 ounce) package NESTLE® TOLL HOUSE® Butterscotch Flavored Morsels

Directions

1. PREHEAT oven to 350 degrees F.
2. COMBINE flour, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, cloves and salt in small bowl.
3. BEAT butter, sugar, egg and molasses in large mixer bowl until creamy. Gradually beat in flour mixture until well blended. Stir in morsels. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets.
4. BAKE for 9 to 11 minutes or until cookies are lightly browned. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.