I Lost my Emily

When I returned home I saw that my sweet neighbor had her windows opened. A sure sign that she was home. I was excited I would get to visit her. I had thought about her a lot on my vacation and had been worrying for her. (When I left she had just gone into the hospital. I tried to visit her when I was back in Reno for a day but I went to her house and even let myself in (which is normal for us) to find her but she wasn't there. I worried she was in the hospital still.) I knew by the time I got back to Reno the final date for her divorce would have passed and I wanted to talk to her about how the court hearing went. As any one would be she was anxious about it.

When I went outside to start emptying out the van I saw that Emily had opened her door which with her debilitating MS was her not so small act to let me know that she would like me to visit. But I didn't realize that it was her daughter Sarah wanting to speak to me and not Emily. Sarah said that a little over a week ago when she was still in the hospital recovering from her broken ankle she had gotten a bladder infection that went septic and that ultimately her body couldn't fight off the infection. It so happened that she died on the very day she was supposed to go to court for her divorce....Last time we talked she said she had set a goal to be able to walk into the courtroom so her husband would never see her in her wheelchair. We never thought she'd wouldn't make it there at all.

I am sad.

I didn't get to say goodbye. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her and what her friendship meant to me. She was there for me and I was there for her through some hard times. She had MS since she was 25 years old and just last year her husband of 35 years had left her for a girl he met on the Internet. Even though she was 60 years old we were friends. We agreed that she was a third grandmother to my kids since she was afraid she'd never have any grand kids of her own and she often gave them little gifts and would sit and talk to them almost daily. She really loved my children. She would call on Stewart to do handy jobs and for medical advice. We'd have Biggest Loser nights at her house and she came over for dinners as often as she could. I often fed her her meals and came to her aid when she fell or had other accidents. She was a daily part of our lives. The day before we left Stewart told her that her ankle was broken and that she should go to the hospital as soon as possible. I never got to say goodbye because she went to the hospital before I had a chance. I wish I could say my goodbyes at her funeral but they are having it in Pennsylvania where she grew up.

I am happy for her.

She was in constant pain. When she was at her worst she couldn't even support her self enough to sit in a chair and could hardly swallow her food. But you'd never know it. She always had a smile on her face. I am sure she is thrilled to be freed from all the limitations MS put on her body. I know she missed her mother and father very much and she would often talk about seeing them again. I know she is in a much better place and is enfolded by the ones she loved.

I hope she knows I miss her. That I really loved her. I wish I could have said thank you. There is a bond formed that is hard to describe when you feed someone, have to help them to the restroom, hold their hand through divorce and heart ache, tend to them as they recover from surgeries, pick up from their falls, send them off in ambulances, and clean their home when they are unable to that is both tender and sweet. When there is a person that lets you into their life so fully and lets you help them with complete humility it allows you to serve and love in a really rare and sincere way. I will always count our friendships as one of my most treasured.

I remember my last conversation with my realtor after we bought our house that she wanted to tell me about the lady who lived across the street. She said she couldn't walk well and had some obvious disabilities. She thought I should befriend her. She said, "She is very nice and seems a little lonely. I think you would be a good friend for her." I never knew then how much she would enter my life. If my Emily was the only reason we had to buy our silly little house then she was well worth it.

Emily, if I could have said goodbye I would have to scold you! :) We agreed we'd hang out everyday while Stewart was gone. Now what will I do? I would have to thank you for always being there to talk to when all the rest of the world was busy about their lives. I would thank you for teaching me to see the silver lining when life is gray. I would want to tell you how much it meant to me that you celebrated with me my children's achievements. I'd thank you for sharing your life with me in a very open and humble way that changed me for the better. I would tell you that I loved you, that I will miss you very much, and that I will feel quite alone out in our little neighborhood without you there too. I would tell you how much the kids will miss you too. You will always be their favorite "Old Emily" :). And I would promise that I will look forward till the day we can meet again.

So here's to my beautiful Emily, who was my very dear friend.