Me and My Refiners Fires

This picture is us getting ready to finally celebrate our anniversary by going out to eat... but it didn't happen. :o( It started to snow so badly we had to call the babysitter and cancel..but someday we'll do it! :o)
Anyways, onto my self therapy. :o) High School was a refiners fire for me. I think it was to prepare me for marriage and mold me into the women Heavenly Father needed me to be. I wasn't afforded much time to be a kid, I never really was much of one. I was ready to be grownup and take on the world. And so Heavenly Father helped me get there as fast as I was willing to be. I never had really good friends at school; I honestly was just so much more grown up then everyone else. I always felt I was meant to be the leader and often those that are 'blazing the trail' must walk alone. So that was me in high school. My BYU years were so heavenly! Just so fun and great and wonderful. But now we are at Med School and I am beginning to think it is going to be another four years of the refiners fire. :o( Its not the med school part that makes it hard, in fact, school is probably the one thing in our lives that is going really smoothly, and of course that part is easy for me because I am not the one in school...but oh, my heart seems to always be on the verge of overload. This latest episode would be best described as "worried waiting." I feel like I did in high school. In High school the Lord was ever mindful of my heart ache but I knew it wasn't meant to be an easy time so He wasn't just going to take it all away and make it better. I remember walking down the halls at school everyday with so much pain and sadness and praying as I went along wondering why it was all so hard for me when everyone else seemed to be so happy. I remember my answer was never, "Its okay Emily. Just look on the bright side." It always was something like, "I know your pain, you are not alone." I remember one specific day that as I walked down the halls of school I was is so much pain that I didn't know if I would make it through my day with out having a nervous breakdown. I prayed for help and the answer I got was , "Emily, you do not walk these halls alone. For I will go before you on your right hand, and on your left--- Emily, you have angels walking beside you." I could not see the angels but I felt them there as real as anything I have ever felt in my life. It was a really touching spiritual experience that I obviously have not forgotten and it felt good to have Angels by my side but it wasn't suddenly all better. That was why Heavenly Father sent them, because it wasn't going to get better any time soon. I needed them to support me through my pain not out of it. I feel that is how life is going right now. The Lord is right there beside me but it is still a hard and worrisome time. That might be too deep for some people to want to read on a blog but I am deep about spiritual things and I am very open about what I am going through, so there you have it. :o)

But on a lighter note, here are our latest updates and things we are feeling really happy about. We finally have all our cars up and running again after they all decided to have some issues. Stew is doing awesome on all his tests, Bridger decided he has outgrown his pacifier which is good and I hope lasts, and Angeli is getting closer to walking but I decided it is taking her a bit longer because her feet are so stink'n small. She still wears a size 2! I think she will always be a bit petite. :o) I have been doing really good at keeping my house clean :o) and I have even been folding the laundry which is my least favorite chore of all. :o) The weather is so beautiful! I am going to get my run in today! My husband comes home early tonight! I have a baby shower and library toddler time tomorrow that I am very excited about, and we had fun at our play group today that I am sort-of starting up in our ward. Although I feel super fat right now I realized yesterday that I still fit in my pre-engagement jeans so I am obviously not really fat :o) (I know I am such a dork!). I am still very hopeful for my business. In time I think we will see clients come. I love my kids and my husband. We make each other so fulfilled and optimistic about all the exciting things in our future. It's just our refiners fire time. :o) love y'all!