Surprise!

The other day we had a big surprise. That "blue bug" I caught turned out to be a little bit more then a bug it was a baby. Yup, Rasmussen number four is in the oven! We are thrilled to be blessed with another sweet spirit to love and add to our crazy little brewed. I feel so lucky and blessed to have another baby. What a gift!?!?! However, it was a big surprise. We aren't really sure how far along I am and I was going to wait until I saw a doctor to share this so publicly but as I am already so sick I am way over the waiting thing. So there you have it, SURPRISE!

If our guesstimates are correct I am barley preggo and this little sweet baby is due at the worst time ever. I know that sounds so evil but honest to goodness it is going to be a really hard year. We'll adjust our plans, everything will work out how it is supposed to and life will be fine but I am having to mourn a little for the loss of the dreams we had made for this next year. Stewart will be doing interviews for residency when I am due, he could very possibly miss our baby's birth - how blah. We will probably be canceling Thailand. I will be sick and having to do the single traveling mother thing all this summer while Stewart does his away rotations. The half marathon I started to train for is postponed indefinitely. I will not be fitting into that supper cute outfit I just bought for my sister's wedding. I will not be able to do Bridger's pre-school and I am not sure how we can pay for him to go to one. My etsy business and my local business will not be thriving while I am as sick and as tired as a dog. They just wont. They will suffer when we really need them to be doing their very best. Money and space are going to get extremely tight and that is very stressful. Not only am I having to say good bye to the happy things I was planning on but I have to except the hard things that pregnancy brings in and of itself: the sickness, the constant need to eat when eating is so painful to do, how my veins are so swollen and ache constantly so even sitting is painful,...

I am grateful, I am just overwhelmed by the unforeseen weight I now have to carry. I hope by expressing the loss of my old dreams and the hardships I am now facing I can better embrace new dreams and new realities.

But I better go eat something or I will be getting to know my toilet really well. For today my hope is that I get through the next few months with some grace, sanity, and joy. It will take some mighty prayer - feel free to add your prayers to the mix. :O)