Someday I'll look back to the time before the baby was born and not remember how much I hated it :) so this is to remind me if/when we have another baby that it is totally normal to hate this time. ;) First, I have to admit that I am spoiled. I realize this. My husband has been home everyday and has almost no school right now which is fabulous beyond belief. I am not feeling well but its ok because he is around to pick up all the things I cant do with my not feeling great. I can't walk without a lot of pain because of my sciatic nerve being pinched to death by my descending baby. Besides that and other factors that make me feel generally miserable most the time the worst thing is the roller coaster of waiting.
Tuesday I was having major false labor when I was just about to start getting us in "going to the hospital mode" they started to space out and eventually stop. Everyday I try to not get all hopeful but I cant help wonder if "today" is the day. I have this glimmer of hope but by bedtime it is crushed and then in my tired state I have to mourn its death that "today" was not the day. I would be more easy going but I really wanted the baby to come like on Monday (I know you all roll your eyes at this but keep in mind that most my babies have been quite early) to try and space out the kids birthdays as much as possible. My due date is the 23 and Bridger's birthday is the 18th and Angeli's is the 26st. I really don't want their birthdays super close but its looking like I wont be able to avoid that. Bummer for the next 18 years of my life. :)
Pregnancy is just one of those humbling experiences where you have to learn time and time again that you have basically no control on how things go when you usually really care how they do turn out. Generally you cant predict when you'll be pregnant, you don't know how hard it will be, you have no idea how your body will misshapen and contort (yes, I used the word contort), and to cap it off you basically have no control when and how the baby will come. Beyond pregnancy you have no idea how hard it will be to recover, and you have no idea if your baby will be easy or a handful. In the end you have to just try and be up for anything - with your hormones stretched to their limits, mind you. You do your best to ensure things go how you want but many times it is futile. Don't get me wrong. It is beautiful. It really is such a sacred experience.The life changing experience to bring a child into this world is one that I cherish with my whole being BUT it is still very humbling.
So to the possible future me. Hang in there. This is just the way it is. That baby will come and you will get to hold them and in that moment all the trials you endured will fade away. All the relief of pain you've be longing for and the anticipation of joy you feel in that new perfect life will be fulfilled. It will be wonderful. Hang in there because you know it will certainly come - most likely not how you envisioned it - but it will come and be sweet in its own way that is so very worth it.
2020 goals
6 years ago
3 comments:
Oh I'm sorry! I HATE that uncomfortable waiting stage. I think it's one of the trickiest parts of pregnancy. Hang in there, before you know it, she'll be four months old! HA! Call me if you want a break from the house and you want a play date. Or we can come visit you. Good luck!
Thanks for this blog post! If ever I do become pregnant (and that's a big IF), I'll know to just stick with the hard times toward the end. I just think to myself, if I can survive all this waiting through infertility, I can most definitely survive anything! :)
Hang in there!! I hate the waiting time bomb thing. It's awful, and the i'm so miserable get this thing out of me stage. I figure God made us have to get that way to WANT to go through labor. =) I forgot to tell you when I got the hand molds and plates. Thank you, thank you, thank you! They are beautiful. Even Grace's cracked one. =)
Good luck with baby #4. Wish we were closer to help.
Post a Comment