On this Early Morning I've been reflecting

Life is so interesting. I have been on such an emotional and spiritual journey lately. Everything in my world has been in some form of change or struggle and it has been really a growing experience for me that I didn't even know I needed. It's been sort of a yin yang sort of growing. I have been gaining a very deep appreciation for myself and my divine nature. This deep sense of my Heavenly Father's love for me individually. But then in contrast I feel as though He has been ever so gently pointing out lots of areas where I need to improve, to grow, and be a better person. humbling.

Or in mothering, I have had some serious challenges with my children this year. I have spent more time on my knees by my bed pouring my heart out to the Lord and begging for guidance in how to mother and help them then ever before. And then with that has come this widening and deepening of love for them and a much more fine tuned sense of their divine nature and I love them more then I ever have before. I didn't think there was room to love them more but I guess there was. The concern and worry for them balanced with this love and sense of their divine nature has been an edifying contrast.

In almost every aspect of my life I have had a similar experience. A greater sense of love, joy, and growth with the balance of humility, realizing how much help I need, and a trial.

I guess the good, the joy, the love, the understanding, the improved insight is what comes from trials. My trials have been so very personal. Not the type to blog about or even tell anyone besides really your spouse or in my case my sister and mother who are my part time therapists! Bless their hearts for listening to me almost everyday! LOL

But it has been a miraculous time for me personally and as a family. I've been in this quite refiners fire and I feel humbled, though a bit more refined too, and I recognize I am still in the midst of it and that this will be needed throughout my life. So humbling to realize. But I am excited about the future. I am filled with gratitude that the Lord is my teacher and refiner. There is peace that comes from knowing that He is in charge, that I am on His path, and that my family is on his path also. And with that I have the reassurance that the future will be great.

I wonder what I and my family will be like in five years as our Tucson years are complete? Our Reno days are quickly coming to an end and it seems so very long ago that we moved here.

I am so excited to re-listen to conference. Everything I prayed about for extra guidance was provided to me in those amazing talks. And Pres. Uchtodorfs talk was an answer to me that I didn't know I needed either. But as humbling as it is to realize that when you thought you were great in that department ( :O) yikes!) is that I am glad to know it. So I can be happier and a better friend and family member. It really was the answer to my prayers in a way I never knew I needed.

Anyways, I am not sure what this post is really about but I felt like my blog needed an update and this is what is going on in my life. I guess in a way its odd to grow and change as a person when you are completely removed from any family. As I prepare for our trip to see family I think " Wow, I have been changing so much, I wonder how they have changed too?". Its sad to me on some level to think that. I am sad that my children are growing up with no family member to watch and love them too. I am sad I am so uninvolved in the lives of the people I love the most outside of my own little family. My Ward is my family in the regard. They are the people that serve me all the time, know where I will be and when, the ones who help me survive church without a husband, the ones who ask me "how was your day?", and I in-turn try to serve them too. I will miss them so much my heart just aches thinking about it. With my blood family I realize a large majority have very little idea whats going on in my life and I hate that I have no idea whats going on in theirs and that makes me sad. I wish I could be apart of their ward! :O) I wish I could offer to babysit so they can go to the temple, or plan play dates with the cousins,...dreaming. :O) Everyone is so busy you don't have time to be "close" to everyone in your family when your families are as huge as mine are. but I wish I could. The cool thing about family is that when the big stuff hits. when disasters and storms and illness strike they are the ones that carry you the most. Even if they are thousands of miles away. Its their prayers and deep love that make so much difference. Yes, they cant bring meals, but they offer their hearts. Its so neat to watch that happen when it does. But I'd rather have us get closer together in reunions rather then babies with serious heart surgeries or siblings with major life crisis!!! ;O) I think we need more family get-togethers! But with that I am excited I get to see some family soon! yippee! :D) Just four sleeps.

So if you read my blog and don't like the serious here are some coming attractions:

- Utah trip: Easter, baby Harlow baby blessing, visit to BYU, hanging with the Ras crew, Hanging with the Larsen crew, hanging with the Smith crew, hanging with my Utah family! :O)

- family pictures - I hope! We need one with Genevieve! It is going to be an interesting experience! LOL

Have a good day!